How to Find the Right Marriage Counsellor?

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: November 27, 2021

There are times when things don’t work as planned or when time decides to play with us, or maybe we are not ready for what comes out on our way. Marriage is a bond that not only brings two people together, but also combines two different worlds, to build a home. It’s true that everyone tries adjusting to these new changes that occur in life and welcome that person into our world. But, if everything seems to be perfect, what would be there to worry about? Reasons could be many but finding the ways to make the marital life meaningful, requires a great mind.

Though it’s a few days after marriage or a long time, we should get alerted when things go wrong. As days pass by, some undetectable snags could creep into your relationships in the form of unavoidable daily chores, work pressures, issues with close relatives like in-laws, increased screen timings or gadget timings, financial hurdles etc. leaving your inner being so lonely. An astonishing fact is that, studies say that the relationship of one in every four couples is in crisis!!!

A couple with Marital counsellor
A couple with Marital counsellor

So, it’s really an appreciable step you took that you are looking forward to meet a relationship or marital counsellor to make things better between you both. While you opt to have a marriage counselor who will resonate with your thoughts and could advice you better, you should also go through the below list of requirements in choosing your therapist.

How to Identify a Better Psychologist?

In order to identify a better psychologist, you should be patient enough to track one and can follow the below steps.

  • First of all, identify a psychologist/psychiatrist near you.
  • Information regarding the credibility of the counsellor could be gathered either by word of mouth or by looking at the website.
  • Enquire from people around, about the treatment of the counselor. Read the reviews, both positive and negative.
  • Relationship between client and counselor is based on respect and trust for each other.
  • A good psychologist wouldn’t use evaluative terms regarding the client’s behaviour and feelings.
  • He/she would make the client reflect upon their own behaviour and then analyze if they are appropriate or not.
  • They make the client realize what behavior has to be changed and how

A good psychologist would adopt any of the two approaches.

  • Direct approach – where he tells the client what to do
  • Indirect approach – where he makes the client identify appropriate actions

Any of these approaches adopted, depend on the factors like nature of crisis (if emergency) mental status of client (if they need medicines) education of client, characteristics, kind of social support available to the client, asking probing questions, seeking clarifications, and supporting positive behavior.

If a psychologist/psychiatrist has most of these qualities, the client would be ready to work with the counselor at a deeper level. A counselor maintains confidentiality and anonymity. He’ll never discuss a case with anybody. The trust between them has to be nurtured and protected.

Things You Need to Look for

The marriage counselor should possess the essential qualities to be a professional marriage counsellor. Apart from being a genuine certification holder, the person should also have some experience which
probably adds a cherry on the cake.

  • Perform some ground check if the therapist is experienced and is genuinely qualified.
  • How long if he/she has been practicing the couple therapy
  • Enquire about any advanced training they have
  • If he/she is licensed for couple counseling (may not be applicable in all the countries)
  • Try to Know how long the sessions can be, to have an estimation if they can get an idea on your problem
  • You may also enquire if the counsellor is happily married and living with kids, to discuss your problem comfortably rather than the one being unmarried or divorced.

How can I find a good and suitable psychologist?

Here are some steps to be followed in order to find a good and suitable psychologist for you.

  • Firstly, identify the need of a psychologist
  • Then know which specialization you need in a psychologist
  • Identify the problem to know whom else does it involve like your family, friends, coworkers etc.

There are qualities of good psychologist you can identify. A Psychologist

  • Should be genuinely interested in helping
  • Should be able to empathize with the client
  • Should identify the emotions of client
  • Should have experience in handling such cases
  • Should be objective in their assessment
  • No prejudice should cloud their thinking
  • Should be able to listen to client patiently
  • Shouldn’t pass evaluative judgments
  • Should be theoretically sound and
  • Should be able to judge if they need medical attention (need to identify if they should be sent to psychiatrists or any other specialist)

Can the Counselors be Trusted?

It is always about your comfortable place and mood to open up and pour your heart out, when dealing with relationships. Counselling is much helpful in finding the ways to deal with the problems when seeking suggestions from our trusted friends and family doesn’t seem to be effective. Counselors are the trained professionals who are very trustworthy.

Couples generally come to counselling when they realize that their relationship is in some kind of trouble. Sometimes the problem is so significant, or has been left unattended for so long, that the relationship is already in severe crisis. At other times, the couple becomes aware at an earlier stage that they are not able to resolve their problems on their own, and that they need the help of a relationship counsellor before their relationship hits crisis point and heads to dissolution.

But, the effectiveness of any kind of counselling therapy depends upon how openly you can discuss your problem, and how clearly you can communicate with the counsellor by practicing the techniques they offer.

Online Counseling

With Online counseling, as you can converse at the ease of being at your comfortable place, it helps you to share your embarrassing secrets in a clear way. As you can go anonymous, getting perfect solutions even for your darkest problems becomes much easier for you. Online marriage counselling is highly beneficial when

  • When both the husband and wife are at different locations at the time of counselling and want to participate in the session.
  • When the couple at a far off place want to connect with the counsellor remotely.
  • When the couple doesn’t want to see each other but want to participate in the counselling.
  • If you want to join any other persons from family who needs to be involved, in the session, while them being at a far off distance.

So it’s all about your convenience and comfort. Be open when you really want the best results.

A couple with online counsellor
A couple with online counsellor

What do you Think Could Change?

Some of the different changes that are expected either explicitly or implicitly by counselors are the following:
• Insight. The acquisition of an understanding of the origins and development of emotional difficulties, leading to an increased capacity to take rational control over feelings and actions.
• Relating with others. Becoming better able to form and maintain meaningful and satisfying relationships with other people: for example, within the family or workplace.
• Self-awareness. Becoming more aware of thoughts and feelings that had been blocked off or denied and developing a more accurate sense of how self is perceived by others.
• Self-acceptance. The development of a positive attitude towards self, marked by an ability to acknowledge areas of experience that had been the subject of self-criticism and rejection.
• Self-actualization or individuation. Moving in the direction of fulfilling potential or achieving an integration of previously conflicting parts of self.
• Enlightenment. Assisting the client to arrive at a higher state of spiritual awakening.
• Problem-solving. Finding a solution to a specific problem that the client had not been able to resolve alone. Acquiring a general competence in problem-solving.
• Psychological education. Enabling the client to acquire ideas and techniques with which to understand and control behaviour.
• Acquisition of social skills. Learning and mastering social and interpersonal skills such as maintenance of eye contact, turn-taking in conversations, assertiveness or anger control.
• Cognitive change. Modification or replacement of irrational beliefs or maladaptive thought patterns associated with self-destructive behaviour.
• Behaviour change. Modification or replacement of maladaptive or self destructive patterns of behaviour.
• Systemic change. Introducing change into the way social systems (e.g. families) operate.
• Empowerment. Working on skills, awareness and knowledge that will enable the client to take control of his or her own life.
• Restitution. Helping the client to make amends for previous destructive behaviour.
• Generativity and social action. Inspiring in the client a desire and capacity to care for others and pass on knowledge (generativity) and to contribute to the collective good through political engagement and community work.


It is unlikely that any one counsellor would attempt to achieve the objectives underlying all the aims in this list. However, any valid counseling approach should be flexible enough to make it possible for the client to use the therapeutic relationship as an arena for exploring whatever dimension of life is most relevant to their well-being at that point in time. If you are seeking the help of a professional to clear off the snags in your marital life and make it more blissful, book an appointment, now.

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