Lack of Sexual intimacy in Relationships

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: January 7, 2023

It sounds very normal at the beginning. But as days pass by, you will observe how some gaps crept between you. You will eventually compare your honeymoon days with your present life. You may blame it on your work, children, or daily life challenges, but the gap seems never-ending. Be it the tiredness from the personal or professional life or the routine of sleeping together, it won’t lead to those intimate moments. Having the children around, having guests, travelling, planning the future, handling responsibilities, and on and on as the list goes, your time together will get restricted to calculating balances or making plans for the next day. But, in a sexless marriage, tension is sure to build up. If that tension repeats often, it will take a toll on your marriage. Alas! Is there a way out? To know this, let’s dig deeper.

But before that, let us understand sexual apathy in relationships, why it occurs and how the passion between a couple can be brought back on track.

Long-term Relationships

Long-term relationships are more prone to this sexual deprivation in relationships. It is one of the reasons people are inclined to try short-term relationships without any commitments. But what is a relationship where you don’t have reliability and commitment? Long-term relationships assure security, self-worth, comfort, trust, and bonding. So, instead of trying to escape the problem, we should learn to face it and solve it. Couple relationships often sail into troubled waters. Relationships need to be worked on to keep them active.

Couple having intimate moments
Couple having intimate moments

Myths and issues

There are some myths about sex in long-term or marital relationships, such as

  • It is always a man who has to initiate sexual interest
  • If a woman expresses her desire, she is under-valued
  • Whenever a couple quarrels with each other, sex is necessary to fix things
  • A good couple should have sex very rarely
  • An affair can stimulate sexuality
  • Sex is only for having children

It is understood from these statements why the topic of sex is taboo in some societies. But, it is essential to have open communication for a couple to have a successful relationship. In long-term relationships, the couple often complains that they no longer find their partner sexually attractive. Still, they want to be active in sex. Mostly it is during this stage the couple fail to communicate effectively. Suppose they won’t open up and don’t work on it. In that case, it might lead to relationships out of their bonding, like extra-marital affairs, which threatens the relationships. This is why it is important to consult a sex therapist to heat things.

One of the most common reasons that result in sexual apathy in long-term relationships is becoming inattentive to your partner. After spending so many months and years together, you get so used to each other that you start to take the other for granted. A person’s attention and listening interest decrease, and they either take out everyday life stresses on themselves or don’t bother their presence. Some women tend to lose interest in sex in long-term relationships because their husbands often do it as a routine with a certain frequency in a certain way. For such couples, trying out a variety or spending much time in anticipation with some foreplay activities would spice up their sexual life.

Realize the issue

There is no issue here. Researchers say that if a person doesn’t show sexual interest, it doesn’t mean the desire has disappeared. Though the desire for sex wears off, that is not the end of the relationship. You can reignite it and get your relationship back on track. Suppose you think you need some professional support. In that case, it is always good to talk to a relationship expert or a sex therapist.

Whether the relationship is short-term or long-term, couples need to spend some personal time together for a better connection. Intentionally planning a day out or sharing some personal interests, watching an adult movie together can help. Women seek emotional connectivity, while men are much keener on the act. When these are not met, then intimacy won’t fire up. If that intimacy starts to fade, it is important to focus on what’s missing in your relationship. For a better connection, it is essential to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical needs. Communication is the key to any relationship. Communicating each other’s needs and wants will bridge the gap.

Don’t Postpone Life

Some people are always in planning mode but seldom implement them. They think we should work hard and strive for the future to be happy then. But if you keep on postponing your happiness, where is the limit? There are certain things in a relationship that should keep going. Though the frequency reduces or the method varies, or maybe the time alters, the steam of passion can’t be put on the back burner. You just need to have a willing mind because a certain closeness keeps a couple together, and working on it leads to intimacy again. Taking your partner for granted and working on other things would signal that you are least bothered about your relationship. Then, a minimum emotional connection would also get lost.

A lady in ecstasy
A lady in ecstasy

What can you do to make your sex-life better?

To keep your relationship functioning well, get out of your comfort zone and try new things, like going out on a date where no gadgets are allowed. Having some personal time together consciously and mindfully. It is important because the more loving and devoted you are in a relationship, your partner finds interest in you. This behaviour would show positive results as the partner feels heard and attended. Such interest would increase the desire for sex. But, if you stop listening to your partner and start to take them for granted, they feel less important to you. Suppose the touching, cuddling and listening become less. In that case, they will harm your sexuality and sexual desire, so your interest wears off.

Mistakes that most people make

Some common mistakes people make in relationships are related to sex. Sex is not a duty. Having it at a particular time at regular intervals doesn’t make the relationship perfect. The quality of your sex life is what matters the most. To what extent do you fulfil the sexual needs of your partner? How interested are you in sex? You cannot involve in sexual activity just to avoid jeopardizing the relationship. Mutual interests and inclinations are essential for a quality and healthy sexual life.

Rediscover yourself

Researchers say that discovering your sexual interests helps bridge those gaps. Know your attitude towards sexuality. How do you want it to be? What are your fantasies? What new would you love to try? And, what wishes and expectations does your partner have? Get rid of the belief that you already know what your partner wants. Try to discover something new by exchanging more ideas. Such new ideas can spice up things.

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