Marital life is an intimate act of companionship and a life-long friendship that unites two souls as one. The marital vows that both of them take, though in any religion, custom or tradition, possess a strong meaning of being together till death does them apart. But does the magic that exist and attract them towards each other in the initial days will last forever, like said in the vows?
Well, it won’t be named magic, if it lasts, but as a couple you should be able to keep the ball rolling, interestingly for each other making all the steps meaningful. When two lives are knotted with the bond of marriage, it is believed that they both possess some rights over each other. Along with those rights, they also have duties and responsibilities that bind them together and make a family. Hence there are many things that a couple should never ignore.
Common Mistakes in Marriages
From the many mistakes that couples do, here are the main ones that we need to focus on, so as not to let a way for any further mistakes to happen.
Understanding Each other Well
Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged one, the common mistake is that they tend to form opinions and prejudices about each other without even understanding. Many of them see their partner as a way to vent out their emotional outburst, while many others believe that he/she is the one who is ready to fulfil their long-awaited list, whether it is a world tour or a costly diamond necklace or maybe a fulfiller of those crazy intimate wishes.
Before forming opinions, or imposing expectations and criticizing for not being so perfectly-tailored-hubby/wifey and venting out that anger and frustration on them, one needs to understand what the person actually is. Understanding a person as he/she without any opinionated lens needs patience and no expectations.
Searching for a Healing Hand
Believing that your partner will heal the emotional wounds of your past can be a major blow on your marriage. Well, you are so lucky if you get that. But, you cannot expect him/her to answer the quest and to be the bearer of that unconscious burden you put on them. When being a wife, you expect your husband to carry you and climb those 1000 footsteps or to perform a stunt on a motor bike and kiss you halting to zero from a high speed like in some movie, forget about you getting impressed, but you both would end up in a hospital.
If you are a husband who expects her to be the super girl who prepares every delicious cuisine on the earth so flawlessly or to be the one who can handle any issue with her in-laws and relatives, tactfully, you would be of course disappointed. Now, who can answer for your expectations that you are not supposed to form in the first place?
Procrastination is the problem
Life keeps on throwing googlies when you just want to be in comfort zone and happy. But whenever there occurs a problem, if you are intending to take decisions on your own, keep in mind that you both need to discuss. Also, when important decisions like deciding on financial matters, or moving into new house or taking up a job, or maybe whether to continue that bump in her belly, are not taken in time, could turn out to be really risky.
Whenever there occurs a gap, mostly a communication gap between the couple, it is much better to resolve it by having a dialogue on it as early it happened as possible. Delaying the discussion on such topics could create more misconceptions between the couple. Hence procrastinating things could be a major problem, sometimes.
Giving Sex a rain check
After a few years of marriage, those hot dates and honeymoon period gets slowly disappeared and all the routine hunt for existence creeps in. Most couples tend to make everything a routine and push the act of making love aside. After initial years of marriage, they put it on their calendar during weekends and later on, just when they can allot some time.
But, remember, Sexless marriage can be a gateway to infidelity. Without it, you are just roommates and one may find a better roommate, anytime. Couples after some years of marriage, almost forget to talk about sex and desire. When one of you is deprived and the other ignores the need, there are chances of collapsing of that marriage. The foundation of such marriage gets weaker when someone uses sex as a barometer for the relationship.
Taking Each other for Granted
In the early years of marriage, everything would be so nice and rosy, but later on the couple gets too comfortable with each other and takes each other for granted. Patience in maintaining relationships gets reduced. Most of them want the other person to provide elaborated expressions in the relationships and believe that the decision, whose expression is elaborated, has to prevail. It would be the one who is expressive among the two, mostly. The other person will eventually be ignored.
Respecting their contribution to the family, and valuing their opinions would rescue you from taking the other person for granted. Some people tend to lie to their partners, hiding the truths like anything related to their marital life. Actually, if those things do matter, it’s better to reveal them when the appropriate time arrives. Getting along, and thinking nothing would happen, could make the situation worse when the time gets unfavourable.
Unrealistic expectations of marriage
Having unrealistic expectations of marriage can be another big problem that could lead to splits in a marriage. Acceptance is important for a long lasting marriage because everything won’t be fair all the times. There will be disagreements, fights, boredom etc. as part and parcel of being together. Working on them and being with each other matters the most.
Most of the times, when others like relatives and friends, especially in-laws try enmeshing into your business, correct you both on your relationship and try to rule you through their ideas and methods would lead to many discrepancies. One should never allow any other person to poke into your issues and should take a strong stand on that.
Every person needs to have some personal space which helps them analyze their mistakes and learn something. Being too dependent on each other or never leaving each other could also suffocate your relationships.
Sharing and Not
Some people share every detail of their daily tasks with their spouses. This might sound sweet initially but would turn into a big headache later on. The other person would depend too much on you. If any one of you is having negative thoughts, continuous sharing could cripple the strength of the other person too. This affects the family strength.
Also, some people are too fearful to share anything. Maintaining kind of introvert style, they tend to keep everything to themselves. This would hinder the communication between couples, which could affect their relationship in the long term.
Handling finances can be done by one of the couple who is aware of the investments, savings and returns. The one, who can handle money well, can be the captain of the financial ship. Couple should discuss such issues regularly and have a planned budget. Undiscussed financial issues can grow large and can lead to conflicts. If one of you is not being honest, then those incurring debts and financial crisis can hamper your marriage.
Making decisions when it comes to kids and preaching them either mother or father alone is important affects not only your relationship but also the child’s future. Treating parenting as a competitive sport is never a good idea. Remember that no parent is better than the other.
Check if your spouse is getting emotionally disconnected from you. Take time to sit and talk. Most couples neglect the emotions of their spouses on the verge of taking decisions or meeting their daily needs. But it is highly important to maintain that connectivity. If you think they need to change their mindset on some issue, never push them, instead, suggest something, if really necessary. Whenever you feel the need to improve yourselves, keep doing that.
Commitment is important
Last but not least, commitment is highly important. A strong commitment to the vows you have taken could make you find a way in making things fall back into place, whenever there is some turbulence. Have patience and learn to adjust your sails to the wind. Don’t search for excuses to get separated, instead keep working on repairing the relationships.
Some think that once they have found the one for their life, they don’t have to work on it. But no, being in marriage needs work to make it work. Romance and courting is the thing most people miss once they are married. Every couple should focus on their personal life and make it refreshing every now and then.
Many couples these days just go through a lot in the due course of their marital life and by the time they find a need for attending a therapy, and see a marriage counselor, they are getting permission for divorce. In case, you are having issues in your marriage, call us and book an appointment for an online or offline session for seeking an expert advice. Talk to your counselor, today.