How do I deal with the fear of loss in a partnership?

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: December 16, 2022

Fear of loss in relationships and partnerships is a painful feeling. It will never let us be in peace. Man is a social animal and bothers when relationships are at risk. So, the feeling of risk creates this fear of loss, which is normal. But sometimes, this fear of loss increases and guides all our thoughts and actions. When we act upon some tension as such, it is common to have our actions against us. Restless occurs as our thoughts multiply. No, this condition is a pathological fear of loss, which threatens the relationship or partnership.

This fear of loss in relationships might not always be recognizable. It usually manifests in our behaviour towards the situations and people we love. Fear of loss can exist in any relationship, including couple, family, friendships, partnerships, or casual relationships.

Reasons for fear of loss

Like any fear, there will also be reasons for fear of loss. The reason this fear stems can vary from person to person and from relationship to relationship. It is understandable if the person is aware of any recent happenings in the relationship that threatens the loss. In such cases, it is important to have an open conversation about the worry and make amends so that it doesn’t affect the relationship. But, without any hint of a threat of loss or any instance of such sort, if the person fears a loss, it could mean something else. Often, there exists some connection between childhood experiences for our default thoughts and beliefs. Suppose there exists a childhood trauma, for example. In that case, if the child experiences a separation or rejection from the parent or any important person the child is attached to, it can lead to a fear of loss.

Fearing of loss in relationship?
Fearing of loss in relationship?

Some parents withdraw love as an educational measure, which is not healthy. Some children had to experience a loss of love due to some unemotional parents. In some cases, children have everything but some quality time with their parents. There are also cases where parents force their children to withdraw friendships, when parents feel it is a social disrespect. All these situations could lead to childhood trauma that creates the fear of loss in relationships. It happens because they cannot feel worthy of love and are unable to trust people. Children who experience separation at an early age due to the divorce of their parents can possess this fear of loss in relationships.

So, childhood trauma is a major root of the fear of loss or failure. It develops as the person grows older. The memories of childhood and the experiences that leave certain feelings are all carried into adulthood. They include our interests, habits, happiness, hatred, anger, curiosity, sadness, pain, and even the fear of abandonment. The beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “Nobody likes me”, or “I am a failure” often stem from childhood experiences.

Apart from all these, there are other instances where the fear of loss could be common.

  • If you have a prior experience of having a break up suddenly without any logical explanation
  • If you are new to a relationship and don’t know much about the partner
  • If you wish for a breakup or separation

Speaking of these reasons, it is good to know the symptoms the person displays if there is a fear of loss in relationships.

Symptoms of fear of loss

Have you observed any symptoms in you or your partner that represent a fear of loss? If you are having such fears, that will reflect in many of your thoughts and behaviours. Here are a few of them.

  • You would keep contacting your partner, worry about their every step and whom they contact, and are always suspicious if they would cheat on you.
  • You would feel jealous even with normal friendships with your partner.
  • You would not want to leave your partner for at least a few hours or won’t allow them to go on a tour with friends. In other words, you won’t allow some private space for them.
  • You need constant proof of action or verbal confirmation from your partner that they love you. You would worry if they missed expressing it.
  • You often worry that you are not an equal companion to your partner.
  • Dreams or thoughts of losing your loved one to death or separation might fear you often.
  • Restricting the movement of the person you love, fearing they might get hurt, and you need to protect them.
  • You might fear that your partner will break up whenever you have an argument or disagreement.
  • Even with the common daily hiccups, you start assuming the worst consequences.
  • You often seem pessimistic whenever your partner doesn’t answer your call or return on time.
How to overcome?
How to overcome?

How can you overcome this fear of loss?

If you want to overcome this fear of loss and fear of commitment, you need to work on yourselves. You need to understand that you should keep these in mind whenever that fear of loss strikes.

Face with Courage

Get ready for the worst to happen. Prepare yourself to let the fear become a reality, and stay calm. Allow yourself to drench in the rain of fear. Face it with swag. Don’t worry, because, the rain will stop after some time. Prepare yourselves for the worst and allow it to happen. To your surprise, nothing wrong happens!

Tell Yourself

If you know that you are the victim of past experience, tell yourself that whatever you feel now is an effect of the past. Prompt the words like, “It’s not him or her. It’s the past”. Try to meditate or play a small game to divert your attention from it.

Focus on Yourself

Sometimes having less work on hand also makes the mind a devil’s workshop. Get yourself busy. If not, plan to do something like a hobby you have left long before. Let your partner have their time and let yourself be involved in activities that you love to do. It is important to focus on your happiness and your hobbies too.

Take your partner’s help

Yes, of course! Taking your partner’s help will make this easier for you. It is helpful for you because your partner also wants to be with you! Your partner would love to offer help as you can resolve this quickly and efficiently together. It will allow you to deal with any of your couple issues in future if they occur. You both can make your relationship stronger.

Define your relationship goals

Once you are fine, you both can sit and discuss what relationship goals you both have. Share your ideas for a better relationship and tell what you want in this relationship. Have a good time by making good habits for a great relationship.

If you are unable to get through this on your own, never hesitate to take the help of a professional. A relationship counsellor can help you to deal with such issues. Book an appointment today.

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