Marriage is a bonding between not only two hearts, but also two families. It is like building up a heartfelt family, together. Being in a marriage, is accepting a responsibility of lifelong commitment, which has to be strengthened by both the partners year by year. It is an undeniable fact that love, trust and understanding are the basis for a blissful marriage.
There are No Shortcuts
Remember that there are no shortcuts or some how-to-do activities for making a marriage successful or blissful. Both the partners should make the marriage meaningful. For making this happen, both should have patience and perseverance.
One should understand that a change in priorities is expected after marriage. Though you were a mama’s boy or a papa’s princess till marriage, you are expected to get yourself into the shoes of a husband/wife once married. Spouses expect them to be the highest priority to each other. After having kids, they become your priority. Rather than hanging out with friends, you prefer to give some time to your kids and enjoy their silly doings. Later in life, when kids grow up, it’s you both again.
The love in our marital life should grow from us to our partners, then to our kids and then to their own families. It should keep on growing and you should keep on spreading it. Neglecting the family will never make your life happy. Though the priorities change, though the family grows and you get busy, it’s you both till the end that are bound to shape this whole family.
For making this happen, all through your life, what do you need to do?
Find some time to be with each other, everyday. At some part of the day, you both should sit together to have some personal time. Be mindful and keep away all the gadgets that could distract you both. Keep in mind that this is the time that you are gifting yourself to help you stay active all day long. Be it the morning coffee you both have or during the time for exercise, just have a word with each other. It is fine if you can allot sometime in the evening or before you go to bed, just to share how your day was. This makes your day perfect. Ask and say too. Hold hands and smile. It could be just 15-20 minutes of time, but just be there looking into the eyes of each other. Though you have nothing to say and share, just be.
Whenever there arises an argument and you sense it to increase soon, just calm down. Anger is a temporary feeling but the damage it makes, could take away a high amount of peace of mind. It is the damage you are doing to yourself and also to the ones emotionally connected to you. Though there’s a point in your argument and mistake is on the other side, you can make them understand once the air gets cooler. Peace first.
It is a thumb rule in every relationship that one must have public sense. Both of you should keep in mind that none of you should ever argue or fight in public. The one who gets calmer soon is the most powerful person. It means that he/she has attained the art of self-controlling by controlling his/her anger. Apart from that, when someone starts arguing in public, it sends a message to the other that “Your prestige is of no importance” which vandalizes the relationship.
Instead of doing that, you could calm down for a minute and try to explain. If your spouse is being adamant, it’s okay because it is always better to let some physical things get damaged rather than spoiling the relationships. If you wish to, money can buy material things for you. Relationships are never like that.
NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
Whenever misunderstandings arise between you both, discuss them as immediately as possible, that too in private. This is very important point to make any relationship to flourish. A single moment of understanding could be so dangerous enough to make us forget a thousand lovely moments you had together. You must take some time out to sit and discuss the misunderstanding or conflicts you both have. Never go to sleep without resolving an issue.
And please don’t nag or provoke your partner with harsh words to discuss something before going to bed. No one wants you to have an argument till 4am in the morning. Just discuss it crisp to the matter and get what has gone wrong. If you can’t resolve then, just agree on a time to discuss when you both can sit and solve it. This enables you to sleep peacefully which is very necessary for the next day to start afresh.
Whatever you do, involve your partner into it. Discuss finances and future plans together. It promotes the feelings like oneness, commitment and responsibility towards each other. Discussing with your partner helps in the time of need, especially when a health emergency arrives. If both of you are working, share the load and save together. Do enough savings for kids and family by discussing together.
Don’t break the trust
Trust is the core element that binds the marital relationship for years together. Never cheat on your partner. It is almost inhuman to betray a person who trusts you to the core. Infidelity could kill the trust to roots. A few moments of pleasure could destroy your lovely future and shatter your family. Hold on when such urge over-powers you. You will power is no less than any other trivial temporary alluring.
If at all your spouse does a mistake, don’t treat him/her as a culprit for life. No one does mistakes to spoil life. Make your thinking broader and talk to them. Make them understand their fault, don’t criticize. Discuss the problem and ask them what made them think or do so. Seek an explanation and let them speak. Let the genuinity flow and understand their problem to the core. Forgive from the heart. If you need a professional help to cope with the situation and to build your love nest stronger, don’t hesitate.
The most common problems that arise in a marriage are the ones like below.
Money: It never feels that you have earned enough. One of you could be seen as spending much while the other thinks of savings much. Try to sit and talk. Make a list of the money spent and the money saved for the month. Get to know how much you can spend for what. Remember, happiness doesn’t mean shopping.
Sex: One desires to have more while the other is less interested in. Women tend to be more interested a week before their periods begin. Men are interested when they had great rest and are free of worries. It depends on their biological clocks too. Have patience to make things work for you.
Work: Each of you will have different role expectations at work, from home. Both could be struggling to cope with and to maintain perfection in office work too. Try to lend a helping hand to your spouse. If you can’t, at least share the duties at home so that the other can get some time to spend with you. It’s your life. You both can make it happen together.
Children: Issues arise between both of you in raising children to be disciplined. The ways of discipline could be agreeable or disagreeable to one another, mostly depending upon the kind of childhood they had. Some wants to give more freedom to their kids as they didn’t have, while some wants to restrict them too much keeping in view of the present day world.
Apart from all these, comparing others lives with yours or others partners with your partner would lead to disastrous effects. No two persons are same. And, please remember that all that glitters is not gold. The person, who seems to be respecting and caring his wife in social parties and uploads the family vacation pictures on social media, could be a real jerk who would never move his little finger for his wife in real life. As well, the wife who complains of her husband all the while could almost die of a heart attack if she knows that her husband has just slipped off the floor. And, the husband who always forgets his belongings could check to make sure if his wife has her purse while leaving out. You never know what’s on the other side.
It’s one life. Love to the heart’s content and live it to the fullest. Stop expecting and start sharing your love. There’s no age limit for displaying your love to your better half. Never neglect your family without which there’s nothing that’s yours. Keep up your love, maintain the trust and understand being in other’s shoes, for having healthy relationships. if you are seeking the help of a professional to clear off the snags in your marital life and make it more blissful, book an appointment, now.