Essential Guide to Relationship Counselling

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: January 25, 2023

There are many blogs and articles on websites, newspapers, and all sorts of information around the world that says about counseling. But it is your idea and choice to decide if you need counseling. This article is for you if you are thinking about what is in relationship counseling or how a couple’s counseling helps you. A counselor supports you by helping you emotionally to make you fully functional. Relationship counseling or couple’s therapy helps couples understand how to sort issues between them.

An individual counseling session helps one overcome the emotional issues they are facing. At the same time, relationship counseling or couple’s therapy helps to understand the individuals’ love languages and to know how to achieve better compatibility. When two individuals from different backgrounds come together to start a new life, it is common to face certain issues. When the individuals cannot solve the issues independently, a relationship expert can help. Hence, it helps to consult a relationship counsellor or a relationship psychologist during a crisis to save your Relationship, mental health, and even physical health.

Are you having Relationship issues?
Are you having Relationship issues?

Let us just have an idea of the common questions anyone might have about Relationship counseling. Here are the answers to all those questions and everything you need about Relationship counseling.

Do I need Relationship Counselling?

Relationship Counselling or Couple counseling is the most commonly sought counseling to achieve a meaningful and peaceful relationship. Every individual’s needs and problems are different. Everybody has a unique story. It depends on the individual to decide if couple therapy or a relationship counseling session can help you.

So, let us help you decide if you need a relationship counseling session. You can know by yourself by answering the questions here.

  • Are you dissatisfied/unhappy in your Relationship or marital life?
  • Is something in your Relationship bothering you? Is there something that you don’t know why you are unhappy about?
  • Are you unable to discuss your wants and needs with your partner? Are you unheard of about your needs and wants?
  • Do you think you are not compatible with each other?
  • Are there any issues between you both that are not discussed?
  • Are you finding yourself in a fix that you can’t find a way out of?
  • Do you think all your attempts to bridge any gap is going in vain?
  • Are you feeling stuck emotionally and need some help?

What happens in a Relationship Counselling session?

Couple counseling, couple therapy, partnership counseling, Relationship counseling, or marital counseling are all targeted toward the betterment of the Relationship between two individuals. The main concerns, such as communication problems, arguments, emotional injuries, conflicts in the Relationship, and other gaps in the Relationship, can be addressed in the counseling session.

It is good to formulate some relationship goals with the help of your therapist if you are working towards the betterment of your Relationship. These goals should be clear and can be written in priority to achieve them. But to have them prioritized and to have a better goal, a therapist helps. Getting clarity on relationship goals, having a defined plan, and working on it right from the start of the Relationship makes things work. Pre-marital counseling helps in this respect.

Does Relationship counseling help us?

Though small miscommunications or misunderstandings are common for a couple in a relationship, having serious conflicts can be an issue. When you cannot deal with your problems or Relationship issues on your own, it is always good to have a middle ear who can listen without any bias; hence, discussing with your relationship therapist helps. A couple’s counselor or a relationship psychologist can help you to deal effectively with your relationship issues. But for some men, it feels too shameful to seek help as they believe they can solve anything. To be frank, every person on this earth is interdependent.

Taking professional help other than some friend’s help saves your Relationship from any kind of biases, insults, comments, and remarks you might face. Not only that, through Relationship counselling, you will know how to communicate better than before, understand your partner’s love language, and manage the daily life chores while maintaining your mental health and your relationship better.

Is visiting a Relationship counselor worth it?

The answer to this question depends on how willing you are to work on your Relationship. Suppose you are serious about improving your Relationship and willing to work on it. In that case, Relationship counseling works well for you. A relationship therapist is a non-judgmental, empathetic, and patient listener who can support you through your tough phases of life. Every love life or Relationship has issues, and when you cannot solve them on your own, it is better to consult an expert rather than some random friend. Moreover, a relationship psychologist can help you understand the communication patterns going wrong and suggest a better path without taking sides. Being a middle-man, a couple’s therapist can mediate to bridge the gap between couples.

What do I need to know about Relationship counseling?

Suppose you want to work on your Relationship or marital status. In that case, you have much help available in the form of online consultations like video or phone counselling, reading material online or having self-help books, or maybe having a good open conversation with friends or family. Any of them can be helpful. You should just check and see what works for you.

A Relationship counselling session
A Relationship Counselling session

Relationship counseling or couple counseling can be of different kinds, such as online video, phone, chat, or email. The most common one is face-to-face counseling. They are in-person counseling sessions in a cozy environment, like a closed room with dim-lit ventilation and a cool and comfortable ambiance. People who cannot attend face-to-face due to various constraints such as place, time, journey orientation, and convenience opt for the other types of counseling. People who want an in-person experience but cannot travel go for a video counseling session, which feels like a simple video call with a friend. Those who do not want to be shown opt for a chat or phone counseling session.

What would be the cost of a Relationship counseling session?

Taking one counseling session is never enough. On average, each session would remain at least an hour. So, it can be understood for an hour if you want to know the cost of a counseling session. The cost of a counseling session varies depending on the city and the country. In India, the cost of a counseling session varies widely from Rs1000 to Rs3000 for an hour. It varies depending on the kind of session, whether an individual, couple or family session. In the USA, it varies from $100 to $200 per hour. In other countries, it could be more or less around the same cost. Counseling session costs are generally increased if the therapist is more experienced and skilled. Knowing what works for you depends on an individual’s convenience. Having an affordable couple’s therapist helps you continue through the process.

Will a Relationship counseling session work for me?

The answer to this question will be yes if you think yes and a no if you think no! It is because it depends on you if a counseling session works for you. Your therapist would give you some work, which is mostly mental and less physical. You have to do that, though you may find it silly. It is because they are helpful. Likewise, when you face any trouble while implementing the techniques suggested by your therapist, you need to communicate them openly. You need to discuss how it can help you and what you need to do to cross the hurdles.

For relationship counseling, couples counseling, marital counseling, or marital therapy, you need the work of both partners involved. Both should be willing to give their best and work for their relationship’s betterment. Relationship counseling will help in bringing out mutual exchange and openness between the partners. You will learn how to communicate effectively, deal with sensitive issues constructively, and give undivided attention and mutual respect. But all this will happen if you both are willing to work. Hence, the effectiveness of a counseling session depends on the client. The counselor is, of course, responsible for supporting and helping the client in the right direction.

Why will Relationship counseling not work?

A Relationship counselling session might not work when you sit tight-lipped. You need to open up about your feelings and the past experiences responsible for your current situations. In Relationship counselling, the counsellor speaks to both individually and both again to assign couple tasks. You both should be willing to attend the sessions and do the work allotted. If willingness and work towards the goals are not present, there cannot be any progress. In such scenarios, relationship counselling will not work.

Sometimes due to ego issues, miscommunication, misunderstandings, or maybe due to the unwillingness to adjust accordingly or due to unacceptance, one of the partners might give up on working. The other partner would try and leave as the hope ends. It is another scenario where relationship counselling fails. Consistent efforts and commitment towards the task are essential for Relationship counselling.

What should you keep in mind during a Relationship counselling?

Nothing. Yes, leaving all your worries, fears, and inhibitions at the doorstep before entering a counsellor’s office is essential for your session to be fruitful. A counsellor is a relationship psychologist who will always be non-judgmental and accepts as you are. Let us consider a scenario to get it better.

Rahul and Priya are a couple with communication issues. Rahul hails from a rural background, and Priya from an urban background; both have different opinions on things and priorities. Initially, everything was fair and fine. But, when they started living together, issues came up. Every small issue raises to be a hill between them. When their mutual friend suggested relationship counselling, Rahul hesitated and did not attend a few sessions. But Priya had a small positive feeling and tried her part. Slowly, when things started improving, Rahul understood the importance of counselling. In their counselling session, the relationship counsellor can understand the couple’s personalities and explains the scenarios where the communication went wrong. The counsellor threw some light on the misinterpretations made by the couple during certain conversations, which led to forming a basis for misunderstandings.

Not only, but numerous couples have benefitted from Relationship counselling worldwide. When the counselling sessions help the couple relieve their stress and anxiety towards certain issues, they can eventually progress in mutual understanding. Hence an affordable couple’s therapy would help if you need help.

Here are our recommendations for you:

  • Have a clear idea of what is important to you while choosing a therapist.
  • If you have any language concerns or gender issues in opening up during conversations, consider them before taking up a session.
  • You always have a right to change the therapist after a few initial sessions if you think the therapist might not be helpful.
  • Ask all the necessary questions, like privacy-related, if the information is not provided before taking an introductory session.
  • Remember that it sometimes takes at least 2 or 3 sessions to build rapport with the therapist.
  • If you think it is tough to decide if the therapist is right for you, ask for an initial consultation of less time to get to know each other.
  • Most importantly, never expect too much.

What can you expect from a Relationship counsellor?

No couples counselling session or couple therapy can tell you that you can have a happy partnership or Relationship after finishing the session. Does it sound not so satisfying? It always depends on how you take it and how you work on your Relationship to improve it. For a human being to be in a love relationship takes another person’s acceptance. And the partner who was emotionally hurt cannot easily forget by clicking a button. It needs forgiveness and willingness to forgive. It needs true willingness on both sides and teamwork to make the relationship work. There’s no magic to creating love between couples that makes them forget things. It is whole-hearted willingness and acceptance that works. And for that to happen, a relationship psychologist or therapist can help and support you through the whole process.

A Relationship counsellor helps you with relationship issues
A Relationship counsellor helps you with relationship issues

A relationship counsellor can help you in the following things:

A relationship counsellor is a psychologist who can help you in many ways to strengthen the fundamentals of a relationship. Every human being is unique and has thoughts and perceptions depending on many qualities of their personalities. Relationship counsellors help individuals in certain areas, such as the following, to make their relationship status better.

In short, a relationship counselor,

  • Can help you clarify your feelings that are entangled
  • Can reduce your tension in certain issues
  • Can help to improve your personal growth
  • Can foster deeper understanding between couples
  • Can help in improving communication patterns between couples
  • Can help you to process through resolving issues
  • Can help in resolving conflicts in a healthy manner
  • Can build positive emotional and physical health
  • Can support in building your self-esteem

Why do couples have issues when they move in?

Unlike in marriages, live-in couples have a lot more issues. When you do not have a strong, committed relationship, many questions and doubts arise. Many sorts of “What-ifs” become common. In a live-in together Relationship, you don’t have any defined boundaries for the Relationship. Hence, there are chances of misunderstandings and miscommunications in this Relationship. That is why it is important to have an open talk. When both couples openly discuss their feelings and thoughts of being together, many kinds of “What-ifs” get dissolved. Also, it is good to have certain defined boundaries or rules that you both have for your Relationship. This way, it becomes easy to identify when you feel like crossing the rule you have put up. This awareness lets both partners stay committed in this Relationship which will avoid further complications.

Moving in has been the latest trend, and many youths are inclined towards this culture as it involves no responsibilities. But having a small weight of responsibilities keeps us grounded. We feel committed when we formulate our rules and promise not to cross them. It increases our self-respect and trust in each other. Such rules should be formulated by both partners together, and discussing the rules helps them have an optimum understanding. It is the best way to avoid any conflicts.

Why do even love marriages have problems?

The feelings of love are usually short-lived. Usually, when you love someone, the rose-tinted glasses through which you see them and the world around make you feel great. This feeling has an expiry date, and those glasses will eventually fall off. It doesn’t mean that you start hating the person. It means that you will start seeing reality. You will know the actual personality of your partner. Love has to be transformed in such a way. It is because love is the growth from the state of feeling love or feeling loved into the state of being here and now, experiencing reality.

The reality that carries problems, worries, hardships, listlessness, excitement, happiness, hopelessness, helplessness, and despair that again help us to regain and build ourselves. To make any relationship function, these experiences will be your resources. Slowly, with experience, we will understand how to tackle certain issues. Our resilience grows with it, and we learn to master our challenges step by step.

We grow together as a couple in a relationship, facing all those daily challenges. Apart from our daily struggles, the issues in relationships make us strong as we strive to protect our relationships. When both partners enter a relationship and share their feelings, become close, and lead a life together, they are much more inclined to keep up their Relationship. As they know each other in due course, it will be easier for them to deal with many relationship problems. Each couple has a way of dealing with crises, and yet nobody fully masters the conflicts. In a sense, everybody has a way, but nobody is perfect.

Will Couples counselling or therapy help when we decide to break up or separate?

Couples counselling or couples therapy helps in deciding to pull it together and having a peaceful separation. These days, a new term called Divorce counselling has come up to serve the purpose. Whether it is a divorce from marriage, a love break-up, or a break-up with your live-in partner, it is a painful process. It involves a lot of feelings and emotions that are both happy in one way and sad in the other. All the days you have been together might be filled with many memories that make you laugh and cry. But these are the memories you have created together and now decided to end up with, as you cannot progress further like this.

A relationship counselor or relationship psychologist can help you through this process. Analyzing issues and discussing guilty situations can be very traumatic sometimes. But it is often necessary to clear everything when making a big life decision. A relationship expert can be on your side and support you through this process. Having a belief and clarity that you are doing this for your own good can help you decrease a heavy burden off your shoulders. Once you get free of this burden, you can move further in your life smoothly. It even helps to encounter love for a second time in life. counselling strengthens your mental faculties in making decisions on such crucial life turns.

How does Relationship Counselling Work?

Conflicts between couples can lead to communication difficulties. When couples cannot communicate constructively, they end up silent or having endless arguments. All the discussions would turn into accusations against one another. Proper articulation of each other’s wishes and needs is impossible in such an environment. Both partners would fear rejection, resulting in blocks in communicating needs. Any emotional injuries made in the past, either in this Relationship or in any previous relationships, would add up to the existing ones. These injuries would create more despair and helplessness in the current partnership. All these would result in withdrawal and distancing from the partner.

Relationship Counselling or Couples therapy can bring profound changes in life situations. Any kind of change in the relationship structure can throw a test. Additional conflicts and issues that were previously normal become a problem now. Life changes like the birth of a child, kids growing into adults, higher workload, professional competitions, job change, investments in shares or a new house, retirement from a job, or maybe moving into a new locality can be some of the reasons.

So, if you were merely a parent caring for the children, you can change your lifestyle after the children have moved out. If the couple has been too engrossed in parenting and caregiving, they can renew their love relationship. Making such changes helps to escape the boredom that life was filled with. Like this, the love relationship changes with changing circumstances, even though the couple did not plan to. Hence, it is necessary to make the relationship work again. A relationship psychologist or relationship therapist helps you this way. It helps you to identify what is lacking and what changes can be made to have a better relationship status.

Discuss your relationship problems with a couple's therapist
Discuss your relationship problems with a couple’s therapist

Why do disputes occur in a Relationship? How to handle them?

There are many reasons why a dispute occurs in a relationship. But most prominently and commonly, some reasons are mentioned by couples worldwide. Let us discuss them here.

Balancing the give and take:

Like every Relationship, couple relationships also have some unwritten rules. Among them, the primary one is the give-and-take policy between couples. If one or both partners feel unfair towards the treatment by the other that their needs and wants are not met, that will be a major issue. Suppose the partner feels bad that though they fulfill all the responsibilities and duties, no previously made agreements are kept by the other. In that case, such emotional hurt will not prevent them from having good and open communication. It often results in accusing the other, which dominates any love, affection, and concern the other shows. Such situations will not allow any kind of constructive solutions. If the problems escalate and you cannot solve them independently, you need professional help.

Staying like just mates!

Lack of intimacy between partners is often another major cause of conflicts in a relationship. Physical closeness and Sexuality should be like woven threads of the fabric of a relationship. Though such closeness is not separately identified, it should be felt by the couple. Every couple experiences sexual fascination initially. But it fades as they get used to each other, and things become monotonous. The factors such as lack of trust and reduced interest in sharing needs, fears, interests, and desires can also reduce the intimacy between couples. At the root of this problem lies the reduced interest in each other. Intimacy is more than just physicality. It is the willingness to reveal yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally to the other person. When achieving true intimacy is challenging for couples, couples therapy or sex therapy can help.

No time for a Relationship:

These days everybody is too busy in their lives that they don’t get time to live life. To experience a relationship, you need to be present. You need to give your time. The maintenance of relationships does need some time. If not, the feeling of being connected just wares off. If you continue to be so, you may both drift off your mutual interests and share your likes. Spending much time individually and avoiding time to be together is an indication of such related issues. Having affordable couple therapy can help couples with issues.

Happier Alone?

Are you feeling happier alone and avoiding your partner often? Does the thought of being with your partner put the question, “Is it necessary?” in your head? Then, understand that this is going to be a relationship problem. If you feel like you can happily breathe when you are alone, a problem needs to be addressed. But keep postponing the thought of addressing it or not succeeding in addressing the problem of your Relationship. A relationship counselor or relationship therapist can help you. A relationship psychologist or therapist is a trained professional who can address your relationship issues’ root causes and guide you through solving them.

Infidelity in your Relationship:

Suppose an affair occurs, a past relationship or a lasting affair is bothering you. In that case, the person feels betrayed and humiliated by the other partner. Such an emotional injury is sometimes deeply rooted and cannot be easily forgiven. Here, the person who has cheated cannot undo what happened but can take responsibility for the pain he or she has caused.

Infidelity also has other reasons. There can be a deficiency of recognition, appreciation, or trust in the Relationship that has caused it. There can be revenge, too. The root cause of this can only be known through open discussion. Infidelity is also common when the person doesn’t get enough love and trust from the parents since childhood and expects to have it from the partner. But suppose the partner is also unable to compensate it strongly enough. In that case, they look for other sources which they get attention from. So, there can be numerous reasons varying from individual to individual. However, the couple can take the help of a professional through couple’s therapy to work on such issues.

Break-up or Divorce Support:

When a couple decides to get separated, many painful memories can be involved. If they have children, that separation will be even more painful as they must also console the little hearts. A couple’s therapist can extend emotional support to help the couple have a harmonious break-up or divorce. It becomes essential to have a respectful and healthy interaction between the two ex-partners after the divorce. Suppose they met at stores later; they should be able to wish each other and take it lightly. If any hard feelings were involved in the process of separation, then such encounters would be very tough to face. And that bitterness still lingers for days after. So, a smooth separation is essential during a break-up or divorce. An affordable couple’s therapist can help you with relationship counseling.

A Relationship psychologist helps you
A Relationship psychologist helps you

Addiction issues:

Often, the Relationship suffers when one of the partners is an addict to alcohol or substance. The prolonged and excessive usage of alcohol or any drugs not only negatively impacts a person’s physical health but also affects their mental health. Such an effect is seen when the same person has issues not only in relationships but also at the workplace or business, with friends and family.

Generally, the partners of addicts do not reveal their partner’s addiction to the world out of shame. But a relationship psychologist can help you with this problem. The supporting partner can take the help of a relationship therapist to ensure their well-being by setting boundaries and handling the situations. If there are children involved, the partner needs support to protect the kids from the negative effects of the partner’s addiction. Hence Relationship counselling helps secure both the Relationship and the mental health of the people involved.

Mental or physical health issues:

Recently, due to various reasons, many kinds of physical and mental health issues are prevailing all over the world. If the partner is affected either physically or mentally or, in the worst case, both, then the Relationship would suffer a lot. Such issues can have a major burden on the Relationship of the couple. So, in addition to a medical or psychotherapeutic expert, it will be helpful to consult a relationship therapist.

To understand this better, let us take three cases as examples.

Case 1: Having both physical and mental health issues

For example, the most common mental health issues these days are stress, anxiety, and depression. If the person is affected by any physical health issue, like COVID-19, the depression or anxiety escalates. This affects the Relationship. Especially the mental peace of the whole family is affected. Hence, the person needs support.

Case 2: If Mental health issues are present

Though the physical health is good, existing mental health issues like depression can be triggered by deficiencies like attention, love, and concern in the Relationship. Anxiety can be triggered when stress at the workplace or family increases. Even then, the relationship suffers.

Case 3: If Physical health issues are present

Though the person’s mental health is sound, having consistent or chronic health issues can show their effect. For example, suppose the person is bedridden for three months due to a small hair-line fracture in his leg. In that case, the disturbances in daily routine, inability to move out of bed, facing sympathy from others, getting dependent on family for everything, and financial issues due to this break can show their effect on his mental health. The Relationship will suffocate during such cases.

Hence, a relationship therapist or a couple’s therapist can be helpful in such situations. A relationship psychologist can help you with techniques during the Relationship counselling to deal with them.

What is important to remember when you go for Relationship counseling?

When you are going to take relationship counseling, remember that it is additional support that you need. Relationship counseling is not a replacement for any kind of medical treatment or psychotherapeutic treatment. A relationship therapist can help you to go through tough periods of your Relationship or love life using effective methods so that your mental health does not get disturbed. A couple’s therapy session delivered by a relationship counselor or therapist can only help you manage your daily chores and all your tasks effectively while dealing with your relationship issues.

Will Couple therapy work when there are no feelings for each other?

Usually, when medical issues or mental health issues are involved, there will be no or fewer feelings for each other in a relationship. In countries like India, where arranged marriage is common, it takes time for the couple to develop feelings for each other. Also, when a person has some bad past experiences, relationships make no sense to them, and they become apathetic. Otherwise, such feelings are absent in couples who drift away from any pre-existing relationship issues. So, it is common to doubt if relationship counselling works for such couples.

There can be several causes for a person to lose feelings for the other. Many pre-existing relationship issues and other factors can contribute to a rise in those issues. So, there can be no feelings or emotional injuries that might heavily burden the Relationship or partnership. In such cases, the feelings of love and affection for the partner are covered by a pile of self-protection feelings. It is a fact that harsh words, insults, and accusations hurt us greatly when we receive them from someone we love the most. Otherwise, we would just have a bad mood for some hours and leave it.

Wishing to work on your relationship?

Couples therapy can be very helpful to know if the couple has grown so apart that there is no longer any common basis for a relationship. A relationship psychologist can help you recognize feelings in your partner and their expressions that leave a trace for you. So, with the help of a relationship therapist, you can win your Relationship back if you wish to work on that.

Relationship Counselling Works!
Relationship Counselling Works!

Suppose you are considering opting for a counseling session but are hesitating to break the barriers of stigma or inhibitions. In that case, you can choose an online counseling session and understand how it is helping you. Wellness Hub offers online relationship counseling sessions at affordable prices. Having an online session also saves you traveling time. You can also be anonymous by phone counseling if you feel uncomfortable. If you want to discuss things face-to-face, you can do so through offline mode. So, you can have a meeting with your choice of counselor for an affordable couple’s therapy either offline or online. Go ahead and book an appointment today!

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