Why Your Child Loves Objects More Than People And How to Use That to Build Connection

You’re sitting on the floor, ready to play. You smile, you talk, you try to catch your child’s eye.

And your child… is completely absorbed in the ceiling fan. Or the wheels on a toy car. Or the way the light hits the window. 

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, Why are they more interested in things than in me?—you’re not alone. Many loving, attentive parents notice this and quietly worry they’re doing something wrong, or that their child “should” be more social by now. Here’s the reassuring truth: being drawn to objects doesn’t mean your child doesn’t want connection. Often, it simply means their doorway into connection is through what they can see, touch, spin, line up, open, close, or watch move. And that doorway can be a powerful starting point.

When objects feel “safer” or more interesting than faces

People are wonderfully complex. Faces change. Voices vary. Conversations move fast. Even the most loving interaction can feel unpredictable to a young child who is still learning how to manage attention, language, and big feelings.

Objects, on the other hand, are steady. A fan spins the same way. A light turns on and off. A toy makes the same sound when pressed. For many children, that predictability is calming—and deeply interesting. This doesn’t mean your child is choosing objects instead of you. It often means objects are where their attention lands most easily right now. And attention is the beginning of connection.

What you’re really looking for: shared attention, not “perfect” eye contact

A lot of parents assume connection equals eye contact. But early connections can look many different ways. One of the most meaningful building blocks is something called joint attention, the ability to share focus on something together.

Joint attention is when your child begins to notice what you’re noticing. They might look where you point, follow your gaze, or shift their attention between you and an interesting object. It’s less about “look at me” and more about “we’re looking at this together.”

That shared focus matters because it’s how children learn that communication is a two-way experience. It’s also how everyday moments start to feel connected: you and your child noticing the same thing, reacting to it, and slowly building a little back-and-forth around it.

Why object-focused play can be a gift for connection

When your child is intensely interested in something, that interest is like a bright spotlight. Instead of trying to pull them away from it, you can treat it as an invitation.

Think of it this way: your child is already engaged. They already have motivation. They already have a reason to stay in the moment. That’s not a dead end—that’s a starting place.

Object interest can create natural opportunities for your child to:

• Notice you nearby without feeling interrupted  
• Begin shifting attention between the object and your face  
• Follow your pointing or gaze toward something related  
• Share excitement in small, quiet ways (a glance, a smile, a sound, a pause)

And those small moments count. A quick look up. A tiny pause as if to say, Did you see that too? A brief shift from the toy to you and back again. This is what early joint attention often looks like.

“But they don’t look at me” what progress can look like in real life

Progress in shared attention is usually subtle before it’s obvious. Many parents miss it at first because it doesn’t look like a big social moment. It looks like little changes in how your child includes you while staying with what they love.

You might notice your child:

• Looks where you point more often (even if they don’t look at your face first)  
• Glances at you briefly when something surprising happens  
• Shifts attention between you and the object for a second or two  
• Seems to “check in” with you during play  
• Shares excitement in their own way—through a sound, a smile, a quick look, or bringing the object closer

These are meaningful signs that your child is learning to coordinate attention—one of the foundations for communication and social connection.

How to “join” your child without taking over

One of the hardest parts as a parent is resisting the urge to redirect. When you’re worried, it’s natural to want to teach, prompt, or get your child to play in a more typical way.

But connection often grows faster when your child feels understood first.

In object-focused moments, it can help to think: How can I become part of what they already care about? Not by interrupting, but by gently sharing the space—being close, being calm, and letting your presence feel safe and predictable.

Some parents find it helps to simply be a “friendly narrator” for a moment—reacting with warmth when something interesting happens, or noticing what your child is noticing without demanding a response. Others naturally add small gestures like pointing to something related, or letting their face show mild surprise and delight. The goal isn’t to perform. It’s to offer your child a soft invitation to include you. And if your child doesn’t respond right away, that’s still okay. Joint attention is a skill that grows over time through many low-pressure experiences.

Read more: How to Build Joint Attention During Everyday Routines Meals, Bath, Getting Dressed

Using everyday object moments to build connection

If your child loves fans, lights, doors, wheels, water, or anything that moves, you already have plenty of opportunities—because life is full of objects worth noticing.

Connection can happen in the simplest routines: looking out the window, turning on the porch light, watching the washing machine, opening snack containers, flipping book pages, noticing a dog walking by, or pointing out a bright sign on a drive.

What matters most is not the activity itself—it’s the feeling of shared discovery. When your child senses that you’re interested in what they’re interested in, you become part of the moment. Over time, that can make it easier for them to notice your gaze, follow your pointing, and shift attention between you and what they love.

If you feel rejected, you’re not alone

It can sting when your child seems to light up for an object and not for you. Many parents quietly wonder if they’re doing enough, or if their child prefers being alone.

But a child’s attention style is not a measure of love.

Some children show connection through closeness rather than eye contact. Some connect best when there’s a shared “third thing” to focus on—like a toy, a book, or a moving object. Some need more time to warm up to social interaction, especially when they’re deeply engaged.

Your steadiness matters. Your willingness to join their world matters. And your child can feel that, even when it doesn’t look like the connection you expected.

When extra support can feel helpful not alarming

Sometimes parents want more ideas for how to encourage shared attention in a way that feels natural and calm—especially if they’re not seeing much change over time, or if play often feels one-sided.

That’s where gentle, parent-friendly support can be useful. Tools like BASICS are designed to help families focus on goals like developing joint attention through everyday moments—so you’re not guessing what to do or turning play into a test. It’s not about “fixing” your child. It’s about helping you notice the small openings for connection that are already there.

A calming takeaway to hold onto

If your child loves objects more than people right now, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong—and it doesn’t mean connection isn’t possible.

It means your child has clear interests, strong focus, and a natural way of engaging with the world. When you treat those interests as a bridge instead of a barrier, you create more chances for shared attention: following your gaze, noticing your pointing, shifting between you and an object, and sharing little sparks of excitement together.

And those sparks—small as they may seem—are where connection grows.