Marriage is a special bond between two persons who would respect their differences and enjoy the similarities with love and concern for each other. The goal of marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. Entering into a marriage bond, you take the vows that you are bind to follow forever. Being faithful in your relationship brings you all the contentment throughout your journey. Just like any other relationship, marriage has its own problems that are thrown during tough times. When the bondage of being together is strong, you can swim through any difficulties, but when the bondage itself has become a difficulty, it’s takes a lot to make that marriage survive.

Problems are common everywhere. Everyone tries to solve them at their best. But sometimes it could happen that you might be hitting the wrong bush. Try to find out what is lacking and what is bothering you both. In case, you are unable to figure it out or you are being helpless dealing with it, seek an expert help which could help you to come out of it completely.

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What is a Marital Counselling?

Marital counseling or Couple therapy is not at all an alien concept to us. In previous years, mostly the elder people in the house used to create awareness about the relationship between a man and wife and how should they treat each other. But later on, a sense of male dominance and female submissiveness crept in the society which made its own rules of being in marriage. It is in the recent years, the voice of equality came into existence. But the thinking pattern of individuals may not change with the pace the changes are taking place in the society. It’s common that differences exist in between a couple. This could spring from the roots like the conditions of born and brought up, which are different for both the partners.

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When the differences and conflicts between couples become so tough to handle, it is much better to take the help of an expert, who can counsel you better than a normal family member or a close friend. A marriage counsellor can make you realize your thinking pattern, the way how a problem should be dealt, depending upon the personalities you handle and will show how capable you are to bring a positive change in your marital life. Marital counseling offers you the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences and solve problems in a healthier way.

Source of issues

Anything to everything could create an issue between couples. The main ones could be like

Communication: Once communication gets negative, filled with sarcasm or finding faults, there won’t be any space for healthy relationships. Such things affect the ego of each other a lot by deteriorating any chances of rebuilding the warmth of that relation. So always be careful in your words.

Adultery: When the foundation of trust gets cracked, it’s hard to expect the same love and affection from your spouse. Whether it is the fault of husband or wife, both get affected. The healthy environment of the family gets spoiled. Children get a bad example of parents, which highly affects their mental growth.

Whenever you have sexual issues with your partner, sit and discuss. Spend some time privately and try to get closer. Try different things to increase the passion and reignite that interest. Seeking pleasures out of marriage is never a solution. If you are stuck with some problem of getting attracted to others or unable to resist the temptation, try seeking a professional help that could save you from the perils of disaster.

Uncontrolled Emotions: Emotions like anger could make you use the harsh words when something goes wrong. The time will pass and the things could be fixed but the words once uttered cannot be taken aback. By the time you realize, the power of those words could have hurt the person so badly.

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Other problems like involvement of outer persons like in-laws, relatives or friends, showing superiority, being irresponsible or having extra-marital affairs etc. could create cracks in a bonding that could actually last long. It’s very common to think of divorce when such problems arise. If the problems are dragged to such an extent that there’s no way out than to take a divorce, both should be psychologically ready for the separation.

Effect on Children

A healthy relation between a couple, makes a great home. But when the relations get spoiled leading to arguments and yelling at each other, it’s the children who get affected the most. Growing up in such environment creates a bad impact on them. When the issues in the house don’t get solved and if they opt for divorce, the little hearts suffocate from the want of love from both the parents.

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When a couple opts for divorce, it greatly affects the children. They may experience negative effects like feeling of abandonment and denial, showing anger on everything, feel like facing blame and guilt all the time, hoping for reconciliation and feeling distress that nothing good ever happens to them.

Got Struck?

It is often heard between couple having issues that “We know the problem but don’t know how to fix it.” Well, it’s certainly the time to take an expert help. An experienced marriage counsellor can help you get your situations better. Although you are unable to find out where the problem is, a good counsellor can make you realize what is lacking in your relationship that can make you a great couple.

“I never know that I can really come out of this trauma. It seems like hell being in this marriage. But after a couple of sessions, I realized that it’s my husband who’s actually taking the entire load. My over-self concern and self pity have blinded my eyes. Now I’m really happy and ever grateful for making a right choice of seeking a professional help for my problem. My home is a real sweet home now” says a wife with a satisfied smile.

Pre-marital and Post-marital Counseling

Have you ever wondered what good does these pre-marital and post-marital counselings do? Well, before letting you know the answer let me first introduce you to a harsh reality. In the recent years, there has been a significant increase in the number of cases of depression, especially in the newly married men and women.

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Guess why? Expectations!!! Yes. With the advent of technology, where everything is at your finger tips, we are losing many threads. Let it be the costly furniture, trendy gadgets, great interior or a nice job with a huge salary for spending lavishly, a handsome and caring hubby and heaven like home etc. the wishes of a new bride are endless. In the same way, a beautiful wife with all the great qualities on earth and a scrumptious meal at the lunch and dinner, a life without problems, a rush of great amount of money etc. could be the expectations of a groom. But as soon as the married life starts, the real face of reality hits them!!

Social media has put our lives into an illusion regarding every need or wish we have. When the palace of our beloved dreams has suddenly collapsed with the harsh waves of reality hitting on our face, it’s obvious that we are thrown into a corner of depression.

It’s the duty of every parent to prepare their children to face the reality of life. Illusions are just for fun sake. But you cannot live in a lie though you love its sweetness. As time passes, dream washes out. Hence the pre-marital counseling helps a man or a woman to get prepared for the realities of life. If the counseling has to be taken after marriage, then it would be a post-marital counseling.

Who are Men to Women?

“Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, came down to live together on Earth”, is the famous analogy said about men and women. The society creates some confusion to these already bewildered genders that come to an agreement of lifelong commitment in the amazement of hormonal function. It is after a short gap of melting off this glittery cover of attraction that the problems arise. Martians who are hard and cold can’t handle the soft and warm Venusians, while the emotional Venusian fairies, can’t withstand the subtle nature of Martian angels.

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Though it seems funny to relate to this analogy, John gray, the writer of the book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” explains how men and women are different. Such books help us to understand the basic differences, thus help us improve the communication.

Re-ignite that Love

Unlock the hidden love in both of you by taking a gap from your daily routine, to fill the gaps of your beautiful bond. Eco therapy is the replenishing technique that plays a great role in re-igniting the love. Go for tours where you are close to nature and do wonderful things like trekking, mountain viewing, roaming in gardens, having fun baths in waterfalls etc. that make you both close once again igniting the sparks of love. Nature has the power to reunite the lovers making them realize what they are missing.

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In case you couldn’t find any of your efforts yielding good results, Wellness Hub is here to help you with great marriage counsellors to help you make your life beautiful again!!

 


Prof. Madhu Kosuri

I have completed 30 years of teaching and research in psychology at the Department of Psychology and Parapsychology, Andhra University, Visakhapatnam, India.

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