It is easy for anyone to be angry. But the actual task lies in being angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way. The stressors of life such as having financial issues, housing problems or difficulties in relationships, could trigger the anger. For some people, the anger becomes a bigger problem that it gets much worse and gets in the way of normal life.
When anger becomes too strong, happens to get too often and lasts for too long, it spoils the relationships and the work especially when it leads to violence or aggression.
Your mood can be affected by a lot of stuff you can’t control, like friends, your family and even the weather. Your behavior affects the way people think about you and react to you. If feeling angry and acting angry are two different things, what can you do to handle the way you act? Well, first you need to know what gets you anger. Everyone has things that make them anger. Let’s call them the anger triggers.
Usually, anger can be the result of hurt pride, of unreasonable expectations, or of repeated hostile fantasies that we encounter. It also happens that we may unconsciously use anger to blame others for our own shortcomings, to justify dominating others, to conceal other feelings, and to handle other emotions etc. Anger is the strong emotion that may do more harm than any other emotion. First of all it is very common and secondly, it upsets at least two people and the people who are the targets of anger, get angry in return. We can actually reduce or manage this anger.
Anger management does not mean holding anger in. It does not mean that you will never feel angry. Anger management is managing the behavioral responses that can arise when you are feeling angry.
Sometimes you may feel like slamming doors, screaming, or kicking a wall. Doing these things won’t help you feel less angry, and they will probably get you into trouble. You have to learn how to manage your anger. If you learn positive ways to express your anger, you won’t get into trouble for misbehavior.
Tips to Prevent your anger
Here are some tips to prevent your anger before getting into trouble of unhelpful thoughts and misbehavior.
- Know yourself. That is the key to prevent anger. Nobody can make you angry without your consent.
- It is always true that you cannot change others as easily as you can change yourself. Keep in mind that you should learn from your mistakes rather than getting angry.
- Learn to say a NO.
- To have a day free of anger, choose a job you love.
- Not having an idea creates most of the problems. Try organizing your mind and organize your desk for six minutes every hour.
- Accept what you cannot change & change what you cannot accept.
- Never hesitate to ask even stupid questions to avoid mistakes, which could further avoid others getting angry with you.
- Be ready to avoid or reduce the others. Say sorry at the right moment.
- Never reply to a letter when you are angry. It makes things worse.
- Working well is the best remedy for all angers.
- Make common sense your best friend to reduce your anger and the anger of others.
- If all else fails, lower your standards to make you less angry.
- Do not just catch your employees or your children doing wrong things; it will make you angry. Instead, catch them doing right things; it increases your patience.
- When people tend to forget things, use your creativity to remind them. This makes your thinking sharper while reducing your anger.
- You must understand that most people remember only 20% of what they hear.
- Use humor to help yourself face anger more constructively. Of course, don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
- Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful.
- If you are a working mother, make a rule that when you come home from work, for the first 15 minutes “nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire.” This brief quiet time, helps you feel better to be prepared to handle demands from your children without blowing up at them.
- Don’t make yourself look at what irritates you. If your child’s chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door to keep you calm.
- If your daily travel through traffic leaves you in a state of anger and frustration, learn or map out a different route, one that’s less crowded.
- Channel your energy into exercise. It increases the release of feel good brain chemicals called endorphins, which help you relax.
- Delay your reaction that can make all the difference between blowing your top and dealing with the situation calmly and constructively.
- If you feel the urge to throw something or hit out, remove yourself from the situation and try taking it out on something soft like a cushion that you won’t damage and which won’t hurt you.
- Most importantly, Never go to bed with an argument unsettled.
Have a Calm Mind
Imagine what your calmest friend would say to you and give yourself the same advice.
Respond instead of react. Take a walk around the block or in the parking lot. Watch a relaxing or funny video online. Have a quick chat with someone you love. Place your family photos on the desk you work and display images and mementos that remind you of your life, outside the office. This increases a self-image which you obviously tend to keep up and the anger gets reduced making you think and act in a polished way.
Count from 10 to 1. Find a trusted person to talk to about what is bothering you. Get a hug or give a hug. Think of a peaceful place or look at a picture of a peaceful place. Listen to music or play music on an instrument. Talk yourself into being calm: say, “Be calm, be calm” or “I can handle this”.
Feel your pulse, tense and relax your muscles, visualize yourself calming down. Distract yourself or take yourself out of the situation that made you angry. Read a- magazine, Do a crossword, Go for a walk or Get a drink of water. Redirect your energy into another creative activity. Pour out how you feel in writing.
Take a few moments just to relax, to help you feel calm, practice this short relaxation session and then react calmly, rather than acting out of emotion. Then you can proceed with your day and react in a way that you choose to. Relaxing for a moment now, will help. It’s okay to be angry. Just allow yourself to feel however you are feeling right now. Just notice this feeling, but not reacting yet. At this point of time, all you’re doing is observing. Emotions are neither right nor wrong, they just are.
Take a deep breath in. Hold for a moment, and now breathe out.
Breathe in… hold that tension…. and now breathe out…. feeling the tension release with your breath.
Breathe in…. and out…….
Keep breathing like this, slowly…. deeply…. and let your body relax a little.
Turn your attention again to how you are feeling. Notice the physical sensation of anger. Where in your body is the anger stored? Some people notice that they tighten their shoulders when they are feeling angry. Others who deal with anger notice clenched fists or tight jaws. Anger may be experienced as a feeling in the stomach…. the neck…. any one or a number of places in the body demonstrate physical symptoms of anger.
Many of these physical symptoms are uncomfortable. Some of these symptoms can be relieved right now, by relaxing your muscles.
Let’s relax a few areas to begin this process to deal with anger by relaxing your muscles.
Starting with your hands and arms, first tighten your hands into fists. Feel the tension in your hands and arms. Hold…. tighter…. and relax. Let go, allowing your hands and arms to be relaxed, and loose. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation.
Now create a feeling of relaxation in your shoulders. Take a moment to relax your shoulders now. Simply relax your shoulders without tensing them first. Then tighten the muscles, and then relax.
Focus now on your face and jaws. Relax your face and jaws, tensing first if you want to. Let all the tension leave your face….. Let the tension leave your jaws…. leaving your face and jaws limp, smooth, and relaxed.
Scan your body from head to toe…. relax each part of your body.
Notice how you are feeling now, both Physically and Emotionally.
Right now, you are controlling your anger, and you have not yet reacted with angry behaviors. You have chosen to relax, to deal with anger in a healthy way.
Breathe out your anger
Now you are fully experiencing anger and you are waiting to take action. You are calm and in control at the same time.
Notice again how you are feeling. Physically, how are you feeling? Let your body relax a little more.Observe how emotions come and go…. anger can come and go…. it will not last forever. There is a limited time where you exercise self-control, before the anger is no longer an issue.
You may feel less angry… just as angry… or angrier now, than you were at the beginning of this relaxation session.
To deal with anger that may remain, you need a way to express the anger and get it out. You do not have to keep your emotions inside… you can choose how to express them.
Now let anger out by breathing deeply…. breathing in relaxation, and breathing out anger…. letting anger go with each breath.
Now the anger has decreased and you are feeling calm. Now choose to address the situation that was upsetting by taking action to change the situation, or speak to the person you were upset with. Or you may just choose to let the situation go.
Once your anger has decreased you can choose whatever option seems best. You have the right to feel a range of emotions, including anger, and to express these emotions in healthy ways that you choose.
Now take a deep breathe in…. and out…. relax with each breath
Take a deep breathe in….. and out….
Breathe in….. and out….
Keep breathing deeply to deal with anger and feel relaxed and calm.
Appreciate yourself for dealing with anger with relaxation.
I’ll count now from 5 to 1. Imagine that right now, you are at a 5 and that when I reach 1 you will be feeling awake and alert, yet calm, peaceful, and relaxed.