It is still like yesterday, with all the colourful moments, bright smiles, happy hours, and beautiful gifts, until the big splash hit you in the face. The hard reality is hard to digest, and you are all alone at once! Life after a breakup seems so dark and lifeless. Though it is very hard to get out of that dark room, you must come out with the courage to face the other side of your life. It is important to know how to deal with separation. For that, you need to understand that it is good to go through all this and cleanse yourself emotionally for a better tomorrow. If you need help, never hesitate to contact your relationship expert.
Stages after Breakup
There are a few emotional stages that people go through after the breakup. Though you were ready that it might occur sooner or later, or maybe you were not expecting it, the breakup was inevitable. The common stages that you would be going through after the breakup are as
In this stage of denial, you are still shocked, cannot grasp the separation yet and often deny the end of the relationship. You would be longing for your partner and wishing so hard that it was just a dream. You would be yearning for the presence of your partner, thinking they would be back by the evening.
You are not ready to accept reality and are still in denial. This stage lasts from days to weeks, differing from person to person. If the person is too depressed emotionally, they will tend to harm themselves. If the person is aggressive, handling rejections will be tough for them. Such people tend to harm the other person. Either way, it is important to seek professional help.
What to do?
Here are a few things you can do during the denial stage.
Absolute loss of contact
Yes. The first and foremost thing everyone is advised to do after a breakup is to implement a total blockage of your Ex partner’s contact. Block all the contact sources, along with social media. Refrain completely from your social media world for some days, if possible. You should do this for several reasons, the most important to avoid further hurt. Because being still in touch, opens up old wounds and gives false hopes, inviting further emotional distress.
Being on social media also hurts. If your ex-partner or other mutual friends post pictures on Facebook or Instagram where they would be having fun with others, it upsets you. All this will be very disturbing while you are still in denial. Unless it is for your children, you have no reason to be in contact. If you both have children and need to be in contact, limit it strictly to some formalities.
Settle things up
If you have any financial dealings with this person, settling things as quickly as possible is best. Settle all the financial dealings like claiming pay slips and tax returns, checking loan agreements, land or flat register excerpts, statements of deposits and accounts, and life insurance. If necessary, take the help of a mutual friend or relative and wrap it up.
Get rid of your past.
One of the hardest things we have to do after a breakup is to get rid of memories and things that tie us to our past. Getting rid of all the memorabilia, such as gifts, forgotten things, and things bought together, is important. There’s nothing worse than seeing your ex-boyfriend’s t-shirt or a framed picture of each other they gave you during the breakup phase. All the things that you see should belong to your future, but not the past. Avoid the places that you used to go to together. All these are important for your emotional health.
The phase of an emotional rollercoaster follows the denial phase. You would face all the emerging feelings from sadness, anger, relief, joy, and hope to hopelessness. This time is the most upsetting and uncomfortable, as it feels restless. It is important to feed positive thoughts and take some emotional support during this period.
It happens because you sometimes think of the good times you both had together and your dreams for your future. And soon, it dawns upon you that you no longer have all that, and sadness overwhelms you. You might try to answer it back with anger. But, the thoughts mixed with self-pity and low confidence make you feel unloved and undeserving. All these show their mixed effect on your emotions.
What to do?
Here are a few things you can do during the Emotional rollercoaster stage.
Let your emotions flow.
It is important to let our emotions out. Breakups can be tough on our emotions that you don’t know if you’re relieved that it’s finally over or angry or sad that it failed. It would feel that it is never going to end. This rollercoaster of emotions bewilders us, and those thoughts can be very bad for our health, especially if we don’t talk about it. It’s natural to be both angry and disappointed. It is good to talk rather than to hide it. You may talk either to your best friend or family member. If you think it might not help, do not hesitate to seek the help of a relationship counsellor.
Take your time:
Do whatever you feel like. If you want to be a couch potato, have your time. Go ahead if you want a whole day with a book and coffee. Or, if you don’t feel like going to a party, feel free to say you’re not in the mood right now. All this should be a temporary phase that helps you recover. You should not let yourself be a social withdrawal. Use the time to rejuvenate and bounce back.
With all these disturbances, your mind struggles to find a compromising end. You start to accept the separation and understand that you need to deal with this. We begin to reorient ourselves during this phase. Things slowly start to go uphill.
To cope well, you may start a new habit or course and learn to do new things as part of your daily life. You are likely to remember the past, but it won’t hurt you as it used to. Though you feel bad for whatever has happened, it won’t be an obstacle to your daily living now.
What to do?
Here are a few things you can do during the acceptance stage.
After a relationship breaks up, it is common for many people to blame themselves, a kind of self-sabotage, especially if you’re the loser. You could be thinking that you are not good enough and are unlovable. But this is not at all good post-breakup behaviour.
A relationship issue always has the other side to it. There will be other factors, too, that you might not be considering because of your self-sabotaging thoughts. On the other hand, if you are the one who initiated the breakup, you may feel guilty. It isn’t good either because if you broke up, you had a reason, whatever it was.
Have a Life
Rebuild your social connections. Go out and meet your friends. You can rearrange your furniture or buy something new and paint the room with warm colours to make it feel like home again. Try to adopt a new lifestyle and take up a new hobby.
In the final stage, you are almost done with your breakup and are ready to start life afresh. By now, you have overcome the separation and have a new concept of self and life. You will have a clear idea of what a relationship should be like and what would be the spoiler alerts. Who knows, your true soul mate could be on the way!
Welcome life with positive vibes. Have an open mind regarding what life has to offer. Make yourself a calm and stable person without having your emotions rule you. Analyze everything before taking a new step. Build a great life ahead.