Why do Wives Harass Husbands? | Does Your Wife Torture You?

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: November 27, 2021

It is now a widely acclaimed fact that wives are not being really silent as they used to be decades ago. Times have changed a lot while laws have empowered them. Many unprecedented laws were formed in the recent decades to protect the women as a shield from the harassments of their husbands and in-laws as there were many cases pre-dominant in then existed society. But later on, those laws are being used to file cases on benign families and as a tool to harass their husbands, only to take revenge on husbands for some other issues.

But, why are these butter-hearted emotional beings that are very well known for their soft nature are turning into hard-to-digest individuals in the society? Why are many husbands not coming out to speak on such issues until it’s time to blow up? Psychology says that there are many reasons why wives are being so irrational and idiotic in some cases, that they are finally crashing down their homes and spoiling their lives too.

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Wife screaming at husband sarcastically
Wife screaming at husband sarcastically

Reasons can be Many

Depending upon an individual, there can be numerous factors that might lead to such determinations in the mind of a wife. These reasons are sometimes evident and many-a-times remain unknown to the husband. However, it is necessary that awareness regarding Marital Counseling should be wide-spread to prevent further damage as it is highly helpful to resolve the unresolved issues between a man and wife. Well, let’s just go through the probable reasons that might trigger the harsh corners of a woman’s heart.


There could be many high expectations depending upon the way you were introduced to her or the way you tried to impress her. While it is a common thing that men create hype that they should be projected as a hero, but there comes much more responsibility to these super heroes, while fulfilling the expectations laid on them.

Know more: What is important in a relationship? 10 factors that make or break!

Unrealistic Expectations

“Honey!! I’m expecting a diamond necklace from you, on this anniversary. I know you would gift that, won’t you?”, “When are we going to Singapore trip that you promised me on our first night?” or “Oh, come on dear, I thought that you could easily do 100 push-ups. Can’t you?” these are the words which are generally heard from the wives who have a way more high expectations for their averagely doing husbands. Though they can sometimes understand from the things going around, they won’t easily give
up as you men promised to be their superheroes!!!

Explore more: What are the Ways to Impress a Wife? | How Can I Deal With My Wife?

Passive Aggression

Passive aggression is the aggression that is shown indirectly rather than directly. Didn’t get? Well, you might have observed your wife saying, “Yeah, you should really buy that for your mom/sis” in a sarcastic way, leaving you puzzled whether you should go ahead or not. Or you might have heard “I’m having headache, so, not today” while she is actually disinterested. And, I can bet you’ve encountered a word called “nothing” when there’s a lot that’s bothering her and that she wants you to know.

So, passive aggression includes sarcasm, blaming others, playing the victim card, hiding anger and behaving normally, feigning compliance, avoiding direct or clear communication, obstructionism etc. etc., list can be long. So, those thoughts that must be driving her crazy enough to spit the shit out can make her do such things, eventually.

Learn more on Feeling stressed in your relationships? Tips to handle

Displacement of Anger

There are many chances that some ladies usually seek the indirect way of taking revenge on her husband with sarcastic comments when they are fed-up with their in-laws. Mostly, when the issues between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, are not resolved properly, could emerge into something like this. For example, she might put some extra amount of salt in your bowl or sugar into your cup of coffee and say that she doesn’t know for all these 15 years of marriage that you are actually habituated to eat extra salt/sugar than normal, unless her mother-in-law told her yesterday. Sounds sarcastic, right? But just imagine what might have triggered her to do that!!

Know more: Anger management in Adults | Controlling Anger

Emotional & Physical Status

The emotional and physical relationship between couples should be seamlessly integrated. In case, they are having issues in handling each other emotionally or if they are not having good physical intimacy, it’s a common way for women to express their dissatisfaction towards life. Such circumstances where emotional or physical needs or both are not met, the expression of such imbalances are instigated in an indirect way and lead to the harassment of their spouses.

Read more: Lack of Sexual intimacy in Relationships

Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy Issues

Type of IntimacyCommon IssuesPotential Solutions
EmotionalLack of communicationOpen dialogue about feelings, seeking therapy or counseling to improve communication skills
PhysicalDisinterest in physical closenessScheduling intimate moments, seeking medical advice if necessary, exploring new ways to connect physically

Dowry issues

In some countries like India, where there is still the existence of taking dowry from the bride’s parents to marry her, may provoke her considering him to be her slave whom she bought. This may slowly turn down whatever good opinion she used to have on him. This is one of the reasons why taking dowry is considered a crime and yet practiced, unfortunately.

Learn more: How Should the Relationship between Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law be?


Some of them might also be facing mental health issues and hence could be behaving so. There might be some bad past that could be haunting her which she is not aware of, like having experiences of emotional abuse in childhood, maltreatment, sexual abuse etc. that might have affected here severely to the core. When women face such incidents, it is possible that they affect her mental health deeply because of which she might face some mental health issues like depression, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders etc. The desires or fears that have affected her severely in the past can lead to many adult psychological disorders.

Psychological Factors and Their Impacts on Marriage

Psychological FactorImpact on MarriageRecommended Actions
DepressionWithdrawal from partner, decreased interest in activities togetherSeek therapy, encourage activities that boost mood and joint participation
AnxietyIrritability, stress over minor issues, difficulty making decisionsPractice empathy, establish a supportive environment, consider professional help
Personality DisordersUnpredictable behavior, challenges in understanding partner’s needsImprove communication, seek specialized therapy, educate oneself about the disorder

Know more: Is Online Marital Counselling Best Therapy? | Uses of Online Marital Counselling

Psycho Social History

Having a history of psychotic problems like borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, post partum disorder, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, facing severe stress, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, addiction etc. could make her act weird in some situations. There could be many symptoms like fatigue, irritability, sleep problems, depression, loneliness, and loss of interest that might lead to such mental problems. Depending upon her psycho social history, she could face suicidal ideations too.

So, it is highly recommended that such women need to be taken to a mental health therapist. So, there’s a lot of mental health history behind this psychosocial drama that women create sometimes. But yeah, not all the women are same as not all the men does!!

Couple undergoing Marital counselling
Couple undergoing Marital counselling

Marital Counseling

When the differences and conflicts between couples become so tough to handle, it is much better to take the help of an expert, who can counsel you better than a normal family member or a close friend. A marriage counsellor can make you realize your thinking pattern, the way how a problem should be dealt with, depending upon the personalities you handle and will show how capable you are to bring a positive change in your marital life.

Marital counseling offers you the tools to communicate better, negotiate differences and solve problems in a healthier way. Couples counselling include the benefits such as improved communication, revitalized emotional connections and re-negotiating commitments. Online marital counseling helps you to have an open talk with your counselor at your convenience. Book an appointment, today.


This article talks about why sometimes husbands and wives argue a lot. It’s like when people expect too much from each other or don’t talk about their feelings properly, which can make them upset or angry. Sometimes, wives might show they are unhappy in ways that aren’t very nice, like being mean without saying why or getting mad about other things instead of what’s really bothering them.

Also, when husbands and wives don’t spend enough happy times together or feel very far from each other, it can make things worse. There are even bigger problems like when families fight over money gifts called dowry, or when someone has a really hard time with their feelings because of bad experiences or mental health issues.

The importance of a wellness hub, particularly in the context of marital counseling, cannot be overstated. Marital counseling serves as a critical resource for couples navigating the complexities of their relationship, offering a space for open dialogue, understanding, and growth. By providing tools for better communication, emotional reconnection, and problem-solving, counseling facilitates a healthier, more supportive marital environment. This proactive approach not only addresses the immediate conflicts but also works towards building a resilient foundation for the future. Ultimately, the emphasis on mental health and wellness through such platforms is vital in fostering relationships that are nurturing, respectful, and fulfilling for both partners.

Frequently Asked Questions:

1. Why do some wives express dissatisfaction towards their husbands?

Various factors contribute to marital dissatisfaction, including unrealistic expectations, passive aggression, emotional and physical disconnect, dowry issues, and underlying psychopathology. These issues often stem from personal, societal, and psychological complexities that can lead to conflict within a marriage.

2. How can passive aggression manifest in a marriage?

Passive aggression in a marriage can present as indirect expressions of anger or dissatisfaction, such as sarcasm, avoidance of direct communication, feigning compliance, and subtle acts meant to annoy or undermine the partner. This behavior can be a coping mechanism for deeper unresolved issues.

3. What role does emotional and physical intimacy play in marital satisfaction?

Emotional and physical intimacy are crucial for a healthy and fulfilling marriage. A lack of intimacy can lead to feelings of disconnect, dissatisfaction, and conflict, highlighting the importance of maintaining a strong emotional and physical bond between partners.

4. How can dowry issues affect a marriage?

Dowry issues can lead to significant marital strife, especially in cultures where this practice persists. It can create power imbalances, resentment, and a sense of ownership, undermining the respect and equality necessary for a healthy marital relationship.

5. What is the importance of marital counseling in resolving marital issues?

Marital counseling plays a vital role in addressing and resolving issues within a marriage by providing a safe space for open communication, understanding each other’s perspectives, and developing strategies for healthier interaction. It offers tools for improved communication, revitalized emotional connections, and problem-solving, ultimately leading to a stronger, more resilient marital relationship.

6. How does online marital counseling work, and what are its benefits?

Online marital counseling offers couples the convenience of accessing professional guidance from the comfort of their own home. It provides a platform for couples to openly discuss their issues, learn effective communication strategies, and work towards resolving conflicts with the help of a qualified counselor. The benefits include improved accessibility, flexibility, and the opportunity for couples to work on their relationship in a supportive and confidential environment

7. Can unrealistic expectations lead to marital problems?

Yes, unrealistic expectations are a common source of marital problems. When one partner expects more than the other can provide, whether in terms of emotional support, financial stability, or lifestyle, it can lead to disappointment, resentment, and conflict. Addressing and managing these expectations through open communication and mutual understanding is crucial for marital harmony.

8. What is the impact of a spouse’s psychosocial history on a marriage?

A spouse’s psychosocial history, including past traumas, mental health issues, and family dynamics, can significantly impact a marriage. These factors can influence their behavior, communication style, and emotional responses, potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. Understanding and empathy for a partner’s background can help in navigating these challenges effectively.

9. How can couples improve their communication to prevent marital discord?

Couples can improve their communication by practicing active listening, expressing their needs and feelings openly and respectfully, and avoiding blame and criticism. Setting aside regular times to connect and discuss issues without distractions can also help. Additionally, learning and applying effective communication techniques through marital counseling can greatly enhance the quality of their interactions and overall relationship satisfaction.

10. What psychological factors might lead to marital conflict?

Psychological factors contributing to marital conflict include past traumas, mental health issues like depression, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders. These factors can significantly impact an individual’s behavior and interactions within a marriage, often necessitating professional intervention.

About the Author:

Prapoorna Mangalampalli

M.Sc., M.A., (Dual Masters in Psychology & English) – Counselor (6+ years of experience)

Prapoorna armed with a passionate dedication fueled by dual Master’s degrees in Psychology and English, Prapoorna sheds light on and elevates human experiences. Over 6+ years of experience fuel her insightful approach to counseling, offering profound empathy and guidance across diverse areas like online, marital, relationship, child, family, and career counseling.

At Wellness Hub, she thrives in a team environment that values innovation, compassion, and achieving results for their clients.

Connect with Prapoorna to learn how she can help you or your loved one find their voice and build a brighter future.

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