Common Mistakes That Can Make Gestures Less Likely Without Realizing It

One day your child points at the bubbles and looks right at you—clear as anything. The next day, it’s like it never happened. No point. No reach. No waves. And you’re left wondering: “Did we lose it? Was that a fluke? Are they supposed to be doing this more by now?”

If you’ve been watching gestures appear and disappear, you’re in very familiar parent territory. Early communication often shows up in quick, almost blink-and-you-miss-it moments. And inconsistency is not only common—it’s often part of how learning looks when a skill is just starting to form.

This article will help you notice the “small wins” that count as real progress, understand why gestures can be on-and-off at first, and recognize what “more purposeful” tends to look like over time—without comparing your child to anyone else.

Why gestures can be here today and gone tomorrow

Gestures are one of the earliest ways children express needs, preferences, and shared excitement before words feel easy. Things like pointing, reaching, giving, showing, waving, nodding “yes,” shaking “no,” or pushing something away can all be meaningful communication.

But gestures aren’t an on/off switch. When a child is learning, they may use a new gesture once or twice in the perfect moment—then not use it again for days. That doesn’t mean the skill disappeared. It often means your child is still figuring out when a gesture works, what it gets them, and how to coordinate their body, attention, and emotions all at once.

Some days your child has the energy and focus to do it. Other days they’re tired, busy, distracted, or simply choosing a different way to communicate (like fussing, grabbing, or moving away). Early gestures are often fragile like that—real, but not yet reliable.

Also read: Why Copying Your Child’s Gestures Can Help Them Use More

What counts as a gesture even if it’s small

Many parents picture a “perfect” point: an extended index finger aimed clearly at an object. But early gestures can be much smaller and messier—and still count.

You might notice your child reaching toward something they want, opening their hand toward you, or leaning their body forward with intention. You might see them lift an object toward you, hold it up for a second, or bring it close to your face as if to say, “Look.” Some children gesture with their whole arm before they separate one finger to point. Others use their eyes first, then add a hand later.

If your child is using their body to communicate a message, like want, no, help, look, again, hi—that’s gesture development in motion.

Early signs your child is starting to use gestures

Gestures often begin as brief attempts that show up during everyday routines. The key is not perfection—it’s intention. Here are a few progress markers parents commonly notice first.

The quick reach that has meaning

A reach can be more than grabbing. When your child reaches toward the snack bag, the toy on the shelf, or your hand to help them do something, they’re learning that their movement can send a message. Even if it lasts one second, it’s communication.

The “look-and-hand” combo

One of the biggest early clues is when your child uses their eyes and hands together. For example, they look at the bubbles, then look at you, then reach. Or they hold up a toy and glance at your face. That back-and-forth is a sign they’re starting to include you in what they want or notice.

Giving even if it’s not “sharing” yet

Sometimes a child hands you something because they want help opening it, turning it on, or making it work. Sometimes they place it in your hand and immediately reach for it again. That still counts. Giving is a powerful early gesture because it shows your child is using you as a partner.

Showing for a moment

“Showing” can be as simple as lifting an object, turning it toward you, or bringing it close so you can see it. It might be quick and unsteady. But that moment of “I want you to notice this” is an important step toward shared communication.

Pointing that looks more like a whole-hand point

Many children start by pointing with an open hand, a flat palm, or a bent finger. If your child is directing your attention—toward the dog, the light, the cookie jar—that’s the heart of pointing, even if the finger shape isn’t clear yet.

A tiny wave, a partial wave, or waving after you do

Waving often begins as a small lift of the hand, a wiggle of fingers, or a delayed wave after the moment has passed. If your child attempts it sometimes, especially when someone else waves first, that’s a meaningful sign they’re learning the social rhythm of gestures.

Refusing with their body

Refusing isn’t always dramatic. It can look like pushing something away, turning the head, leaning back, or pulling a hand away. These are early “no” signals. When your child can refuse, they’re communicating preferences—and that’s a healthy, important part of connection.

Head nods or head shakes even if subtle

Some children experiment with nodding “yes” or shaking “no” in tiny ways—almost like they’re testing it out. You might see a small head movement during a familiar routine (more snack, more song, no diaper). Those small movements can be early versions of clearer yes/no gestures later.

Know more about “Gestures During Meals: How to Support Pointing, Choosing, and ‘All Done’ Moments“

What “more purposeful” tends to look like over time

If gestures are emerging, progress usually looks like more clarity and more frequency, not immediate consistency.

Over time, you may notice your child starts using gestures in more than one place (not just at the highchair), or with more than one person (not just with you). You might see them gesture earlier—before they get frustrated—because they’re learning it works. Their gestures may also become easier to interpret: a clearer reach, a more directed point, a more obvious push-away.

Another gentle sign of growth is when your child repeats a gesture after it works. If they reach and you respond, and later they reach again in a similar situation, that’s your child learning!

Why your child might gesture more in some moments than others

It can help to remember that gestures depend on the whole moment, not just the skill. A child may gesture more when they’re calm, when the situation is familiar, or when they’re highly motivated (like bubbles, a favorite snack, or a beloved song). They may gesture less when they’re tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or deeply focused on play.

Sometimes gestures “disappear” when a child is working hard on another new skill—like moving more, exploring new toys, or trying new sounds. Learning isn’t always neat and linear. It often comes in waves.

How to support gestures without turning it into a test

Most children build gestures best when the adults around them respond warmly and consistently to the attempts they make—especially the small ones.

That might look like noticing the reach and treating it as meaningful. It might look like responding to a tiny show-and-glance as if your child just told you something important. It might look like using your own gestures naturally like pointing, waving, nodding during real life, not as a performance.

The goal isn’t to get a “perfect” gesture on command. The goal is to help your child feel, over and over, that communication works and that you’re paying attention.

When parents often seek extra support without assuming anything is wrong

Sometimes parents simply want reassurance that they’re seeing the right things—or they want ideas for how to notice and encourage gestures during everyday routines without adding pressure.

Support can be helpful if gestures are very rare across many situations, if you’re not seeing any change over time, or if you’re feeling stuck and unsure what “progress” should look like next. Getting guidance doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It often means you’re tuned in and you want to support connection in a thoughtful way.

Some families like using such as BASICS, which can help parents focus on communication goals like gestures through simple, everyday moments—so you’re not left guessing what counts or what to look for next. It’s an optional support, not a requirement.

A calm reminder: inconsistency can still be progress

If your child pointed once last week and hasn’t done it again, that moment still matters. If they reached today but didn’t yesterday, that still counts. If they gave you a toy for half a second and then ran off, that’s still communication.

Gestures are a bridge between needs and understanding, between your child’s inner world and your shared world. And bridges don’t appear fully built overnight. They form piece by piece.

When you start noticing the tiny wave, the brief reach, the look-and-hand combo, the push-away, the little show-and-glance, then you’re seeing the early building blocks of communication. And by noticing them, responding to them, and staying calm about the inconsistency, you’re already giving your child what they need most: a steady, responsive partner who believes their message matters.