When Your Relationship Ends | The Need for Divorce Counselling

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: November 27, 2021

Two individuals who promised to be with each other for a lifetime, when sense the unpleasant bitterness stinging both of them in their daily life, when things don’t work out and when either or one of them strongly feels that the marriage is not at all going to work out for them, then that obvious step adopted by them, is divorce.

Divorce is not only the process that puts an end to marriage but also a process that grants many unwanted emotional disturbances. Though the thought of divorce can be a relief to some parties, it involves stressful situations. People who go through divorce might experience grief, guilt, anger, confusion, shame, and anxiety. And, if children are involved, the stress could be more intense.

Divorce counseling is a process that helps you deal with your emotions during and after the divorce, leaving no amount of regrets and helping you cope with any regrets left and ward off that guilt or shame you could be carrying. It helps you face yourself, love yourself and helps you maintain other relationships present and to get ready for further relationships in your life, treating those psychological wounds made by this previous marriage.

A lady pulling out the Wedding ring
A lady pulling out the Wedding ring

Marriage Counseling May Not Work

Many people try to attend a marriage counseling session before filing up a divorce and they would expect a miracle to happen in one or two sessions. Marriage is actually something that you need to work on. Nothing can happen in a jiffy. Attending the counseling session just before going to file a divorce is like doing it to avoid any guilt further. So, what happens is that, the couple starts attending the marriage counseling sessions, just to prove that everything is over. Either both or one of the partners is already in a fix that they are not interested in saving the marriage.

It is common for the couple to fail to notice the enormity and emotional turmoil that is caused to them and the immediate family members as a result of the aftermath of the big decision. But once they file a divorce, the consciousness starts questioning from the start of the marriage. This could bring an emotional burden on the individuals where a divorce counselor or a divorce therapist can help. When children are involved in this, the guilt and shame will be of another level. It is highly beneficial to consult a therapist in such cases.

When Do You Need Divorce Counseling?

Losing a relationship with someone you thought you would be forever with is not so easy. If you are the one who called off a relationship, you would feel guilt inside, but if it’s your partner, who did that, you will experience anger and denial. If both of you wanted to split, you would still feel hurt inside and should go through an emotional process to get healed. Divorce counselling can help you at any stage. If the family therapists and relationship therapists recommend you to have divorce therapy or divorce counselling, then it’s high time you take one.

Why is Divorce Counseling Necessary for You?

When couples undergo divorce, they go through a lot. Things are viewed in one’s perspective and the other person is blamed. Such a blamery and negligence and the emotions they had to carry throughout this period, throw them into a confusion and aversion towards having any kind of relationships in their lives. Especially the closure is what everyone tends to neglect. Closure is a concept that nobody experiences after a divorce and that’s what keeps them fighting for years within themselves. Therapists or counselors help them achieve this closure and prepare them to move emotionally forward in their lives.

There are more professionals offering the divorce counseling not only because of the legal and logistics aspects of the process, but also for the emotional and psychological support the persons need. Divorce counseling may not be required for all the couples divorcing, but is helpful for the individuals who go through the psychological trauma and emotional suffering that this life event might have left behind in their minds.

Post-divorce counseling

A post-divorce counseling session helps to cope with life after the struggles and pain that divorce has created. The strenuous process of divorce would leave the individuals in many negative emotions like sadness, loneliness, distress, feeling of failure and lost, regress and grief. There would be many issues lingering in mind that you would have acted upon before the marriage broke or there could be anger and frustration that might have spoiled your peace since these many days that resulted because of the behavior of your spouse. Now, undergoing counseling can help you deal with grievances and all those negative emotions that left you in a spiral of emotional web. Help yourself come into positivity with the help of an expert.

The possible symptoms that an individual have to deal with, after facing a divorce, are mostly like the below ones.

  • Overwhelmed sadness
  • Difficult in sleeping
  • Sudden weight gain or loss
  • Excessive anxiety
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Debilitating depression
  • Poor concentration
  • Excessive anxiety
  • Disinterest in activities
  • Isolating and withdrawn
  • Sudden sense of self-loathing

Such symptoms are to be dealt with by seeking a professional help. An expert in helping you handle the emotional part of you can make you come out of any trauma.

What are the Outcomes of Divorce Counseling?

Divorce counseling helps you to resolve conflicts in a healthy way and to deal with your emotional self.

  • You can learn how to process and address unresolved issues
  • It helps you work towards any negative feelings or emotions
  • It supports you to work towards your personal growth
  • Understanding your partner’s needs during this process
  • Helps you in communicating better

Qualified and experienced psychologists or counselors provide you with safe environment to express any negative feelings and emotions. Your therapists stand by you to work towards your personal goals. You and your partner can both meet a counselor to make your divorce smooth and to take the space to explore your future relationships, your goals and desires. If you both are unable to decide if divorcing is the best solution, then your counselor can suggest on what really works for you both.

The transition of being single after a divorce can be difficult to embrace, where the counselor can help you go through it in a smoother way. The divorce counselor helps the couples to try to settle down the things in a nicer way, uncovering the causes of anger and resentment, clarifying the on-going battles, and helping them exchange a dialogue in a neutral environment.

In most of the cases, the ligations are not over the material possessions like cars, houses or lands, but due to the internal causes like lingering resentment and unresolved anger. A divorce counselor helps the couple understand each other’s loss and guides them through the painful process of emotional trauma in this divorce process. Divorce counseling requires concrete plans to change currents thoughts, behaviors and emotions.

Symbolizing a break-up of a relationship
Symbolizing a break-up of a relationship

Things that are to be dealt with

This is the time when there occur many things without our knowledge. They creep in and we don’t usually give a thought, especially, when children are around.

  • Parents demeaning their spouses and their families in front of the children
  • Arguments about money in front of the children
  • Speaking low about relationships etc.

Such activities fill the children’s hearts with hatred and mistrust which would affect their future a lot.

Apart from that, there are a few things that the sufferers neglect. Such negligence would increase the burden after the divorce.

  • Avoiding interaction to discuss things
  • Financial problems relating to claiming alimony and other expenses
  • Changes in lifestyle and feeling lonely all the time
  • Neglecting self-care and compassion
  • Avoiding Relationships due to which the children and parents may get distanced.

Both the divorcees should keep these things in mind and should be attentive. In such cases, divorce counseling comes handy.

Who can benefit from counseling?

People who are undergoing a separation process, has a lot to deal with. Some people will slowly try to digest the on-going changes in life, while some might push themselves towards making a better life as soon as possible so as to forget everything and live happily. Both need counseling so that their emotions don’t affect their mental health and wellness. The individuals who suffer from the problems such as

  • Feel like sinking into depression
  • Engaged in thoughts
  • Pondering over the past
  • Being absent-minded and feeling lost
  • When thoughts are filled with anger
  • Destructive behaviors
  • Self-harming thoughts
  • Suicidal ideation
  • Addiction to smoking or vaping
  • Drug abuse
  • Having eating disorders
  • Sleeping disorders etc.

During the course of divorce, when people suffer these changes, it is understood that they need some expert psychological help to be back to normal life. If there are children involved, it’s better to work with a psychologist who is also a child psychologist. The younger minds get much affected with all such emotional damage. Wellness Hub has a curated list of trained and experienced professionals that are experts in couple counseling, family counseling, marriage counseling, divorce counseling, child counseling etc., since many years. Book an appointment today, to talk to your therapist.