Anyone can become angry and that is easy. But being angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way this is the main concern, which is not easy. Anger is like any other normal human emotion and can range from mild irritation to an intense rage or fury. Your mood can be affected by a lot of stuff you can’t control: friends, your family, even the weather. If feeling angry and acting angry are two different things, what would you like to do to handle the way you act? Well, first you need to know what gets you anger.
Everyone has things that make them angry. Anger can be the result of hurt pride, of unreasonable expectations, or of repeated hostile fantasies. One may unconsciously use one’s anger to blame others for their own shortcomings, to justify dominating others, to conceal other feelings and also to handle other emotions. Anger has the potential to do more harm than any other emotion. First of all it is very common and secondly, it upsets at least two people who are the targets of anger to get angry in return. You can reduce or manage anger.
The behavioural signs showed by people when angry are as given below.
- Indirectly challenging
- Distracting actions
- Unsympathetic attitude
- Passively resistant
- Interferes with progress
- Cynical humor and teasing
- Having superior attitude.
What can be done:
Your behavior affects the way people think about you and react to you. You can manage by thinking about the positive things you can do when you are angry. Anger management does not mean holding anger in or that you will never feel angry. Anger management is managing the behavioral responses that can usually arise when you are feeling angry. Managing your anger in a healthier way can help you look after your psychological and physical health, feel more positive about you, achieve your goals, solve problems and enjoy relationships with the people around you.
Prevent your anger before getting into trouble of unhelpful thoughts and
misbehavior Know yourself. That is the key to prevent anger. Nobody can make you angry without your consent. You cannot change others as easily as you can change yourself. Do important jobs now before they become urgent. When you make mistakes, learn from them rather than getting angry. Ask even stupid questions to avoid mistakes to further avoid others getting angry with you. Say sorry at the right moment to reduce the anger of others.
Focus on self:
Nobody can make you angry without your consent. Make common sense your best friend to reduce your anger and the anger of others. Indecision makes you angry. Therefore, decide this way or that way. If all else fails, lower your standards to make you less angry. You cannot change others as easily as you can change yourself. Do not just catch your friends or your siblings doing wrong things; it will make you angry. Catch them doing right things. Use humor to help yourself face anger more constructively. Don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of unhealthy anger expression. Make sure you have some “personal time” scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. After this brief quiet time, you feel better to handle your work.
If you learn positive ways to express your anger, you won’t get into trouble for misbehavior. Watch a relaxing or funny video.
Respond instead of reacting. Count from 10 to 1.
Draw a picture that expresses your feelings. Do something, like playing a sport or a game that will take your mind off what is making you angry. Listen to music. Find something to laugh about. Take ﬁve deep breaths. Sit down and relax your muscles. Think of what is bothering you as a problem you can solve. Find a trusted person to talk to about what is bothering you. Get a hug or give a hug. Jump up and down for a minute. Think of a peaceful place or look at a picture of your peaceful place. Listen to music or play music on an instrument. Sing a song. Talk yourself into being calm: say, “Be calm, be calm” or “I can handle this”. Feel your pulse, tense and relax your muscles, visualize yourself calming down.
Distract yourself or take yourself out of the situation that made you angry. Do a crossword. Get a drink of water. Redirect your energy into another creative activity. Pour out how you feel in writing. All you really need to do right now is take a few moments just to relax, for you, to help you feel relaxed and calm. It feels good to relax.
After this short relaxation session is over, you can proceed with your day, and react in a way that you choose…. relaxing for a moment now will help you to react calmly, rather than acting out of emotion. It’s okay to be angry. Just allow yourself to feel however it is you are feeling right now, noticing this feeling, but not reacting just yet. All you’re doing is observing. Emotions are neither right nor wrong… they just are.
Take a deep breath in. Hold for a moment, and now breathe out. Breathe in… hold that tension…. and now breathe out…. feeling the tension release with your breath. Breathe in…. and out…….
Keep breathing like this, slowly…. deeply…. and let your body relax a little. Turn your attention again to how you are feeling. Notice the physical sensation of anger. Where in your body is the anger stored? Some people notice that they tighten their shoulders when they are feeling angry. Others who deal with anger notice clenched fists or tight jaws. Anger may be experienced as a feeling in the stomach…. the neck…. any one or a number of places in the body demonstrate physical symptoms of anger.
Many of these physical symptoms are uncomfortable. Some of these symptoms can be relieved right now, if you like, by relaxing your muscles. Let’s relax a few areas to begin this process to deal with anger by relaxing your muscles. Starting with your hands and arms, first tighten your hands into fists. Feel the tension in your hands and arms. Hold…. tighter…. and relax. Let go, allowing your hands and arms to be relaxed, and loose. Notice the difference between tension and relaxation.
Now create a feeling of relaxation in your shoulders. Take a moment to relax your shoulders now. Simply relax your shoulders without tensing them first. Then tighten the muscles, and then relax. Focus now on your face and jaws. Relax your face and jaws, tensing first if you want to. Let all the tension leave your face….. Let the tension leave your jaws…. leaving your face and jaws limp, smooth, and relaxed.
Scan your body now, for remaining areas of tension. Relax each area that feels tense…. scan your body from head to toe…. relaxing each part of your body.
Notice how you are feeling now. Physically. Emotionally.
You are controlling anger right now, just by the fact that you have not yet reacted with angry behaviors. You have chosen to relax, to deal with anger in a healthy way. To increase the control you have over anger, imagine that you are feeling anger right now and accept the way you feel. Imagine that you are gaining power to control your reactions. Now you are fully experiencing anger and you are waiting to take action. You are calm and in control at the same time.
Notice again how you are feeling. Physically, how are you feeling? Let your body relax a little more… relaxing any tense areas. Emotionally, how are you feeling? Observe how emotions come and go…. anger can come and go…. it will not last forever. There is a limited time where you exercise self-control, before the anger is no longer an issue.
You may feel less angry… just as angry… or angrier now, than you were at the beginning of this relaxation session. To deal with anger that may remain, you may need a way to express the anger and get it out. You do not have to keep your emotions inside… you can choose how to express them.
You can let anger out by breathing deeply…. breathing in relaxation, and breathing out anger…. letting anger go with each breath. After the anger has decreased and you are feeling calm, you may choose to address the situation that was upsetting by taking action to change the situation, or speaking to the person you were upset with. Or you may just choose to let the situation go. Once your anger has decreased you can choose whatever option seems best. You have the right to feel a range of emotions, including anger, and to express these emotions in healthy ways that you choose.
Now take a deep breathe in…. and out…. relaxing with each breath. Take a deep breathe in….. and out…. Breathe in….. and out…. Keep breathing deeply to deal with anger and feel relaxed and calm. Appreciate yourself for dealing with anger with relaxation. I’ll count now from 5 to 1. Imagine that right now, you are at a 5 and that when I reach 1 you will be feeling awake and alert, yet calm,
peaceful, and relaxed. 5…4…3…2…1