Jealousy is an uncomfortable and disgusting feeling that you can hardly resist. Do you sense that jealousy has been running over your head and making it difficult to get rid of? Well, you have landed on the right page! It threatens what is most important to us, our relationship with the one we love and suffocates the relationship. If you are wondering, “How can I deal with my jealousy?”, “Does feeling jealous mean loving more” or “Am I overreacting?” It is common to have such ideas, as people express many views on issues in relationships. But it is common sense that any strong biased feelings affect a relationship. Hence it is important to combat jealousy in relationships. Combating jealousy is possible with these tips, as they work really well.
What is jealousy, and why it occurs?
Jealousy in relationships is mostly an overwhelming feeling of loss and inferiority mixed with hurt feelings. Usually, in couple relationships, jealousy occurs due to the diverted attention of your loved one towards any other person.
Here are the three main forms of jealousy in relationships.
Most people would have experienced this mild jealousy in their relationships. It occurs occasionally and wears off quickly. It is felt when you know, there is nothing to worry about but have that feeling of uneasiness. For example, uneasiness would often trigger when you find your partner’s Ex-girlfriend at a shop. But you tell yourself that there is nothing to worry about and calm down after some time. Such mild jealousy is healthy, in a way.
Moderate intensity of jealousy is when you experience a permanent feeling of jealousy towards someone or something. Provocations can trigger it. For example, if your partner is having a long conversation on the phone with his female friend or if he often goes on holiday tours with his batch of friends, excluding you, it triggers jealousy. This can trouble relationships as the root often lies in your low self-esteem and confidence in the relationship.
If it is severe jealousy, it grows so strong that you would start to spy on your partner. You might check messages and calls on your partner’s phone and start spying on your partner’s daily activities. But, thinking in a skeptical manner, can strain your relationship. If it is severe, a normal funny conversation with the opposite gender can make you doubt your partner. Severe jealousy is generally very pronounced, and the behaviors based on this are hard to justify.
What are the different forms of jealousy?
Jealousy is an emotional response that involves thoughts and coping behaviours. Jealousy in relationships can be a concern when the thoughts and behaviours of an individual affect the relationship.
A term called “Morbid jealousy” explains the state of having convincing beliefs that the spouse or romantic partner is being unfaithful. Nearer to this, further classification can be done into three types.
These vary depending on the thoughts they possess and the behaviours the individual exhibits.
Reactive jealousy is the kind of emotional hurt that an individual experiences when their partner is emotionally or sexually unfaithful. This is often seen in couples with infidelity issues.
Preventive jealousy indicates the state of belief where the partner finds it unacceptable that their mate has opposite-sex friends. In the end, they will not be hesitant to verbally, emotionally, or physically hurt their partner. This is a sort of protective and possessive jealousy.
Anxious jealousy makes the individual ruminate about the possible ways of their partner’s infidelity. The person experiences anxiety, worry, and suspicion in the process.
Tips to combat jealousy in relationships
Living with jealousy is as hard as shaking it off. Though it is about your love for the person, the relationship suffers a lot. So to free yourself and save your relationship, it is important to look for the real cause of your trust issues. The problem may lie deep in your previous experiences. A therapist can help you to explore those inner areas without hurting yourself. Such an initiative helps your overall development.
Apart from that, here are some tips to combat jealousy in relationships
Accept your inner feeling
So, what’s your inner feeling? Jealousy! Is it that? Then accept it completely. Face the feeling. Observe how the feeling is and how it is influencing you. If your jealousy is mild, it will disappear or at least get reduced to a significant level as immediately as you have sensed it.
Keep your calm
It is common to think a lot and worry when such infidelity issues occupy our thoughts. But your suspicion should not become your nightmare. Let yourself be calm and take deep breaths. Understand your reality.
Do you think that it is easier said than done? Well, let me give you a tip here. You can just think of other possible reasons that the trigger situation may have. For example, if your partner doesn’t come home at the usual time, it doesn’t necessarily mean he is cheating on you. He might have been stuck in the traffic, met an old friend and chatted with him, or maybe at a meeting that got extended at his office.
Leave the past
Have you ever been so close to someone who has cheated on you? Or a close person to any such victim? Sometimes, our past haunts us without our knowledge. Understand which past experiences or stories are biasing your thoughts. Tell yourself clearly that there is no connection between your imaginary fears and your current situations. Stop carrying that burden and stay positive.
Somewhere any traces of low self-esteem and self-doubts drag us to feel jealous. Children who are less loved or ignored by parents also experience this. Internally, such people feel that nobody loves them. And don’t want to lose the person they love. Hence they try to spy and control any mishappenings. So, to avoid all this, love yourself. Give importance to what you love to do. Work on your free time and adopt healthy hobbies.
Plan your time
Plan and engage your time with most of the activities you love to do. Have some productive time. Do things that you were waiting to do. Learn a new art, skill, or course. Go out and meet friends. Make new friends and have conversations. Know them. Make each day interesting.
If you are being dependent on your partner either emotionally or financially, it makes your self-esteem suffer. So, try to do something on your own. Become financially independent. Have a life apart from your partner. Being on your own makes you think right and take the right decisions.
Combat jealousy with therapy
Yes, of course! Therapy helps you to have a clear insight into what is not letting you take control of your jealousy. If you think your jealousy has gone far beyond mild and moderate, it is good to have therapy.
If jealousy is making your relationship suffer, if you are having constant distrust and hostility toward your partner, consider relationship therapy or relationship counselling. Relationship counselling helps you to put an end to suffering. A relationship counsellor can help you deal with the relationship issues.