It is said that “Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime.” A Dad plays a major role in the life of a child where the children observe, imitate and follow to learn from their fathers in every activity they do. Children understand their fathers as the strict beings who lay rules on them but they feel the sense of security with their fathers within. It is usually felt when the father is not around for some time.
A father is once a son, who tries to relive his childhood through his son. He remembers every act he did as a child with his son’s actions while he grows. Fathers feel an obligation to make their sons into men. In the process of making them tough, they usually tend to be strict with them. The son might not like his father then, but he can only understand what his father was doing, only when he becomes a father, just like his dad might have realized.
Dads and Sons
Whenever people notice something similar in the doings of a dad and son, they say, “Like father, like son”. If a father is loving, caring and treats others with respect, the son will also grow to be the same. When someone draws similarities between them, the father feels ecstatic and nostalgic, beamingly remembering his childhood days and his relation with his father. In every step, his son reminds him of his father. As it was famously said, “You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.” Every child’s hero is his dad, while every dad’s hero is his little monster.
Studies have proved that the emotional connection and support they get from their fathers, improve cognitive ability and social development among children. Fathers influence us to grow into a fabulous personality while they also affect our relationships in society. It is only through them that we learn how to establish ourselves in this world and realize our self-worth. The way a father treats his son will influence what he looks for in other people in society. It is based on this perception, his friends, lovers, and spouses are all chosen. How you love and treat his mother influences his future relationships. This sets his foundation to treat the ladies in his life like his mother, his sister, friends, lover or spouse in the same manner. In case you are divorced, do what you can to treat his mother with respect.
What to do When?
Being a father you could have experienced numerous instances where you are warmly received and where you experienced colds, just like you did to your dad. Let’s throw some light on how your son, perceives the words of his father as he grows up.
When your son is a child, you treat him fondly, bathe him, rough house with him, teaching him walking, running and how to have fun and laughter all the time. At this age, he worships his dad to the core and loves to be with him all the time. He plays, admires, and listens to his dad. Your son will be your ardent fan and never ceases to impress you with his little things. It’s such a cute bond.
Once he joins a school, learns things, understands the discipline of his dad, your son though enjoys your presence, has some fear of doing wrong things and bad behavior. He understands that those temper tantrums as a toddler will not be tolerated as he grows up. He tries to adjust with that strictness but still admires you.
When he enters into tweens and teens, like any other teenager, the will power to rebel against you or to cross your words would increase. They would hate to obey rules and tend to break the discipline that you have been imposing. At this age, a father has to behave like a friend with his son. Teenagers like to be treated as adults and individuals. Hence, being a dad, you should discuss the household issues to a certain extent, and let them voice their opinions. Dads should encourage them to handle the finances in the house, like buying groceries, paying bills and all with which they will learn the importance of earning and savings.
Many teenagers try to join jobs and earn something. You may encourage them to manage their pocket money but never let them ruin their studies. Be a guide and sit in discussions with them on their career. It is at this age, most of them tend to experiment with smoking, alcohol consumption and substance abuse. Be aware that your kid doesn’t get interested in them by explaining how badly they affect the health. The influence of peer pressure and the problems of bullying also bother them much during this age. Have a word with them daily for some time to let them share their problems. A dad should see that they don’t involve in aggressive behaviors while confronting bullying at school and college.
Early teenage is the time for having new relationships too. The surge of hormones takes a toll on them encouraging them to form interests in the opposite gender. You may explain to them the consequences of teenage pregnancy and help your teenager handle such issues. As this is common for everyone, understand what your son could be going through. Dads should never do the mistake of judging their sons without listening to their part. Try to deal tactfully with him, if he approaches you.
After becoming an adult, he must have already gained some acquaintance with the events and facts in the society, out of his personal experiences and your words too. Now he again slowly starts admiring your wisdom secretly. Getting settled in a job or business, refining his career aspects, he must also be thinking about having a life-partner. When you get some time to sit and talk, narrating about how you have been through your early adulthood, settled in life, got married and how you dealt with the problems that you encountered, would encourage him to plan for his future and muster the courage of taking the forward steps.
After he becomes the father of a kid and while that kid grows, it is then he again admires that way you brought him up remembering with every step his kid takes. It is often said that “A Son can only understand his dad completely after he becomes a dad.” The real experiences of life teach us many, but our influence of our kids paves them a way for their future and defines their relationships in their lives.
Failures and Emotions
Our society has been preaching for ages that a man should never cry. But, in order to have your boy strong enough, you should make him understand that displaying emotions is never a sign of weakness but it is humane.
Fail in something and show that life is not filled with success. Fail and accept, analyze and make your son understand that failure is a common thing. Whenever it is time, display your emotions accordingly. In case you lose someone close to you, let your son see you cry aloud. Let him understand that tears are there for a human being and you need not hide them when you really can’t. This makes him emotionally strong in the understanding of the way of life. Express your emotions like love, anger, and kindness in a constructive way before your kid and help him understand how you should react to what.
Basically, make him learn through living it. As a father, you will always be ready to go that extra mile for your kid. In case you are having any relationship issues with your son or father in your family, and going through a troubled time, you may need some expert advice on helping you heal your ruptured relationships. Contact our psychological counselors who can guide you through parenting tips and help your children come out of their mental issues like temper tantrums, attention deficit, learning problems, indiscipline, tech-addiction, screen-addiction, issues with friends and friendships, relationship issues, etc., to name a few. Book an appointment, today.