I Asked for Help instead of Cutting Myself | Ask for Help

By Prapoorna M

Last Updated: November 27, 2021

People have different emotions, different feelings and thoughts for different things. Though we all exist in the same world, we all have different individual experiences that result in different emotions. Each of us perceives the world around us in our own way. Whenever we try to estimate the situations with our capabilities, we sometimes tend to either over-estimate or under-estimate ourselves. Whatever the result is, it is true that everybody cannot always handle all the kinds of emotions effectively.

Be it a physical thing or emotional matter that is bothering us, it is always recommended to share and to seek help from those who we trust. Even if you have trust issues or if you have people who you think are not capable enough to help you out emotionally, taking the professional advice can help you to be a better person. Psychological counseling is being provided online for such people who count on their time and convenience and are bothered about their emotions.

Are You Hurting Yourself?

Sometimes with a wave of over-whelming emotions, we might hurt ourselves either physically or emotionally. Self-criticism and self-abuse if done too much can lower your self-confidence which could harm your self-esteem in the long run. This puts you in a dilemma of relying on yourselves and you might become a toy in someone’s hand who wants to play you according to their wish. This could harm your time, your career, your personal relationships, and can totally affect your personality. This is the worst emotional harm you could do to yourselves.

A girl committing suicide
A girl committing suicide

Physical harm

Some people try to harm themselves physically. They try to cut their hands, make scars on their body, burn a part or so out of some emotion that stirs them to the core. Many think that self-harming is a teenagers’ problem, but it’s not. Let’s just have a look on what kind of reasons could lead to self-harm.

  • Some people, who feel being rejected, harm themselves, to be noticed
  • Some do it as a form of emotional blackmailing
  • Others, who value their self-respect, do it as a form of punishment for themselves
  • Self-harming could be a chosen form of expression for undergoing mental trauma, abuse or may be depression in some people
  • Self-harm is not suicidal attempt. But it might lead there
  • Some people feel self-harming as a control over their body, feelings and emotions
  • When feelings are over-whelming, some people seek comfort in self-harming
  • Some could be harming themselves due to frustration, anxiety or self-loathing

Though the reasons could be many, once this starts as a habit, people find it comforting, which is dangerous in the long run.

Ask for Help

It is really pitiful to know that some people don’t know how to ask help, while some don’t even get that idea that they can ask for some help. Suffering from something could not only be both bothering but also makes you feel incapable and weak. There is a tendency in some that asking for help is a sign of weakness, but it’s exactly the opposite. Asking for help in a decent way makes you offer a warm relationship and it indirectly tells someone that you are also helpful to them when need arises.

A most common problem that won’t let you ask for help is that many people tend to imagine that others know what they want. This is actually an illusion of transparency. How can anyone imagine and act on it? Even if people get an idea on what help you want, they might think, “What if my assumption goes wrong? Let’s respond when he asks” Now, who’s going to lose?

How to Ask?

Are you wondering on how to ask for help? Oh, C’mon, just Ask!!

Helping someone would make anyone feel glad and happy that they are doing something. It would release rewarding hormones in the brain. So, if you ask them straight, there are more than 70% chances that they are ready to offer you their help. So, just ask them! Also, don’t ask for help over email or a text message. It looks insensitive. People might not respond positively for that. Try to go or call the person to ask. In-person requests are 30 times likely to get a “yes” than an email or text request. If you’re wondering on how to approach while asking, here are some points for you.

Whenever you want to ask for help, keep these things in mind. When you want any help, be very specific in explaining what help you need. When you cannot say what you want from the other person, no one would be interested in helping you. So, please be specific and say it clearly. If someone cannot help you, they can at least suggest someone who could, if and only if they understood what you want.

A worried lady
A worried lady

Another important thing, please avoid apologies. Saying something like, “I’m so sorry, but I have to ask you.” Or “If I had any way of doing this without your help, I would” can make things worse. With such words, you might feel that you’re expressing that you are not weak or greedy, but you are not doing that. Instead, you are making the other person feel bad clearly stating that you don’t want to ask him/her. But, remember, helping someone makes anyone feel glad, and if you are not letting them feel that gladness of helping you, why would anyone want to do that in the first place?

Also, don’t offer anything in return. Like, “If you do me this, I can do this to you” It looks childish. Yes, because some people have a tendency to offer money or a gift for helping, as they think that it would be appropriate. But, it would just be the opposite. If you try to introduce incentives and payments for the help they are doing, it no more feels like a relationship, but a mere transaction. They would feel distancing and they are less likely to help you the next time. If you help them for their help, meaning, help for help is good, but not payment for help.

Once you received their help and your work is done, let them know what their help got you. Acknowledge them with the effects of their help and make the other person feel awesome for having to help you. Knowing such positive results would make them feel happy and they would love to extend their help to some more people in the society. We are social beings. Nobody succeeds in a vacuum. We live in a society and being helpful makes our lives and our neighborhood beautiful.

It’s good to progress with the support and collaboration of the people around. In case, you are facing inhibitions on reaching out for help or if you are facing trouble socializing, we are ready to help you. Wellness Hub has a team of experienced professional counselors that are friendly, experienced and non-judgmental. Have a talk with our psychologists and be free of your worries. Book an appointment, today.

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