“Breaking up is hard to do” but staying together can be just as challenging.

The number of couples seeking counseling has increased in these recent years as the stigma surrounding the practice of counseling has faded. And it’s not only women who are consulting for a therapist these days. Men, too, are increasingly seeking outside help to relieve their anxieties and stress in coping up with the relationship.

Is Marriage Counseling right to go through?

Marriage counseling can be an effective way to mend a broken and stressed relationship, experts say, but only if people get into sessions of counseling before the damage is too extensive to repair. Many people wait until it’s too late. Go to marriage counseling when you still don’t want the divorce. Go while there’s still glue there.

These signs lead the way:

  • Your fights are getting out of control: If you’re not willing to invite your children to pull up a chair and watch your fight, that’s a good sign you can use some help and counsel.

Fighting is healthy, but only when it is done in a constructive manner. Couples counseling can help people change their arguing style so they can resolve their problems in a less hurtful way, setting a more positive example for their children. And it can help couples without children improve their behavior around family and friends.

  • You encounter the same stumbling blocks day after day: When couples find themselves rehashing the same issue over and over again bickering over the division of chores, say, or fighting overspending habits it may be time to consider outside intervention.

Repeated fights can corrode trust and a couple’s connection. While counseling may not eliminate the problem, it can minimize the problem’s effect on the relationship.

  • You feel you are slowly drifting away from your partner: While constant fighting often signals that it’s time to get help, a notable lack of confrontation can also be cause for concern. In those cases, people can find themselves slowly growing apart from their partner. Some even begin to entertain the idea of pursuing other sexual relationships.

The lowconflict, drifting-apart marriage is in great danger of divorce, when there’s that emptiness. People are prone to two kinds of crises in such situations, one is seeking the external affair and the other is somebody’s midlife crisis.

In most cases, it’s the counselor’s job to draw a relationship for the concerns out of the partners, eventually closing the emotional gap between them. The truth is, in marriage, the things that frighten us the most are usually the most important things to say to strengthen the relationship. Often, we just don’t know how to say it in a gentle and constructive way.

  • Finding the right counselor for you: If you’ve decided couples counseling is the best move for you, the next step is to find the right therapist, which can prove difficult.

Although 80 percent of therapists in private practice offer couples therapy, few have taken a single class in couple’s therapy or have completed an internship with someone who has mastered the art, according to a national survey by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy.

Couples shouldn’t feel shy about calling a few counselors and evaluating them on the phone, experts say. And once couples find someone, they should be willing to try another therapist if progress isn’t being made.

If a therapist seems to lack structure, favors one person more than the other or allows fights to get out of hand, consider looking elsewhere, experts say. However, couples should have patience with their counselor and not expect a miracle overnight. Within three sessions, a couple should have a new perspective on something helpful or a way to handle something that’s helpful. If in three sessions, the couple isn’t getting value, change the therapist.

The outcome of Marriage Counseling

You can’t create a flourishing relationship by only fixing what’s wrong. But, it would be a great start. Love, responsibility, caring, affection only diminishes when self-interest dominates. If you don’t know what you feel in the important areas of your relationship, then the maturity of understanding hasn’t reached a level where the building of relationship would be stable.

In order to get to the bottom of the problem, it means acceptance to understand how complex the situation is for being in a relationship, always without being judgmental and trustworthy.

If neither of you would move the boat the relationship would eventually drift away in the storm.

Three motivational words to govern sustained effort in the relationship:

  • Avoid pain or discomfort
  • Be a better person
  • Create more benefits

Couples should be able to cooperate enough to set up a home together and raise a family, they soon begin to support each other through the necessary changes to their relationship. For this reason, couple counseling often needs fewer sessions than one-to-one work. Next, it soon becomes clear that a couple counselor’s responsibility is to the relationship and both of you will get equal time, attention and understanding. On a deeper level, couple work avoids the victimized attitude which encourages people to dig deeper into their own world view.

If you can get over the hump of entering relationship therapy, the rewards are often much greater. In many cases, couples get an immediate short-term boost. This is partly down to a sense of relief that something is finally being done, but mainly because our partner agreeing to this ordeal is concrete proof that she or he cares.

One of the biggest factors in the success of marriage counseling is the counselor. Almost every counselor in the world says that they do marriage counseling, but most never received any training. Often, they got a degree in psychology or therapy and feel that they can do it.

Marriage counseling isn’t just one person and his or her issues. Its two people, their issues, and the interaction and dynamics of those issues. Marriage counseling isn’t just counseling- it’s a learned skill that requires a specialist.

It’s important to choose a therapist who has experience working with couples and who is a good fit for both you and your partner. If both partners don’t feel comfortable with the therapist, this can negatively impact progress; or one person may prematurely drop out.

Form the outcome of the marriage counseling, John Gottman’s research basically looks into happy couples for the solutions, because, couples who are in individual aspects happy have the independency in handling the disagreements because of the foundation of affection and responsibility.

He has even discovered that all couples at some point of time have conflicts, but couples who are happy have much better chances in solving the problems, rather than couples who are unhappy because they do have such type of skill set to maintain a relationship.

Generally, marriage and relationship researchers suggest that the goal of counseling for a couple should be able to change the patterns of interaction, emotional connection, and support for each other and the communication between the couple.

Are you having a doubt in mind if you should consult a marital counselor or marriage therapy expert or maybe a divorce counselor? We are here to help you. You may connect yourself to a counselor for a free instant talk to see if you really need to connect with a marital counselor. So now you may go ahead only when you feel that you should. Call now to make sure. Call instantly or book an appointment, today.


Prof. Madhu Kosuri

I have completed 30 years of teaching and research in psychology at the Department of Psychology and Parapsychology, Andhra University, Visakhapatnam, India.

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